Foresight
by Arrow
Summary: Foresight is the ability to look ahead and counter balance what is to come. Can Revan let go of those around her and go off into the unknown to fix what she knows will happen? KOTOR & TSL spoilers. Complete.
1. prologue

A/N: Just a quick thankyou to everyone who read and reviewed Hindsight either here or at the lj community, it's been a huge help and I love you guys! Anyway this a bridge story between KOTOR and TSL with a LSF Revan, basically her saying goodbye to everyone. So it contains spoilers for both games. Um... should be about six chapters long, so a wee bit longer than Hindsight. And I know that some are asking for longer stuff, don't worry after this I'm getting started on a VERY long post TSL fic called _Anamnesis_ so you'll get your long fix after this. Anyway enough rambling.

**Foresight  
**Prologue

The warm feel of skin beneath her was something she would never truly get used to. She let a lazy smile cross her face as she went back and forth from a deep sleep into a morning drowse.

"I felt that," his voice rumbled against her cheek, and she enjoyed yet was also annoyed by the sensation all at the same time.

_Damn, I've been caught. _There was some shifting and she felt fingers begin to poke at her sides. "Caaaaarth," she groaned, keeping her eyes shut as she clung to the hope that she could still stay in that blissful state of slumber. If she did not move and he stayed still and acted like the comfortable pillow he was supposed to, then she could just go back into that calming warmth.

He chuckled and her head shifted against his chest again, "As nice as this is, we're wasting the day away."

She grumbled and shifted to move into the crevice of his arm, trying to shut out the light. He shifted his arm and she clung onto it, keeping it down. "Wha tim iz it?" she mumbled into his skin.

He sighed and she could feel the breath hit her head, only causing her to snuggle closer to him and the bed. "It's 1000 hours, gorgeous and I have things to do today."

She mumbled something incoherent and her shoulder twitched for a moment before returning to its previous position and she wrapped one of her legs around his. "AM still on clock," she murmured.

He chuckled fondly and tried to loosen her grip on him. "Come on, beautiful. You can't sleep the day away."

"Watch me."

She felt him shift and unceremoniously move her over to side. She groaned at the lack of warmth and curled up in the covers more, shutting her eyes stubbornly. She heard him say something under his breath, but the only word she caught was 'immature.' She curled her legs up towards her chest and muttered, "I'm not immature."

She heard a sharp laugh, "You have selective hearing - and I think you're awake enough now to get out of bed."

"No."

He sighed and she heard some shuffling near a desk. "Have it your way."

She had to close her eyes as tight as she possibly could against the assaulting sunlight that suddenly attacked her. "Carth!" she screamed and threw the pillow over her head, trying to block out the sunlight that had already infiltrated her perfect half-sleep.

Carth laughed, "Hey if you want to keep sleeping, fine just stay there, but the sun is up and if you want to ignore it… then fine."

She sleepily turned her head and glared at him, "Bastard."

He put an arm on either side of her and leaned into her face. "I know it is your life goal to stay in that bed forever and as much as I'd like to help you fulfill that," his brown eyes smiled down at her, "I have some paperwork to get rid of… and if you wouldn't mind getting some groceries during sometime in your _hectic_ schedule," he scoffed and she narrowed her vision at him, "And while you're at it… take a shower, staying in bed all day is giving you a stink."

Her eyes lit up in annoyance and she was about to protest this remark loudly, before his lips beat her to it. She reached her inactive hands up his shoulders and tried to pull him down as he kissed her, but he kept himself propped up by his arms. He pulled back, letting her head hit the pillow with a soft 'thud' and grinned. He winked. "I'll be back later tonight – please think about those groceries."

She stared up at the ceiling blankly, not quite ready to leave the warmth of the bed, as she heard him walk out of the room. She stared for a few more moments before letting out a breath of air in annoyance, "Dammit, now I'm awake."

-

She stifled a yawn as she looked warily down at the many different types of preserves and food items sitting in an ornately placed shelf. She batted around the idea of picking some of the fresher looking vegetables and cooking a homemade meal for Carth, so he would have something waiting for him when he got back from… whatever he was doing. Of course, with her cooking skills maybe she would poison him, but after his behavior this morning, maybe he deserved it. She let out a heady sigh, carefully scrutinizing her choices.

"You're not going to try and cook again, are you?" the sharp voice of the younger Onasi brought her out of her vegetable deliberations.

She stiffened and turned towards him, frowning as she realized he had shot up another inch and was now taller than her. "Dustil."

He seemed to realize that his height irritated her and he leaned back in his posture, still taller than her. "Because if you are, I think I should call the HASMAT team in early."

She folded her arms in front of her and frowned. "Did I ever tell you what a charming personality you have?"

He snorted and shook his head, some dark strands shaking free from their previously perfectly styled state. "I happen to be on good terms with my father at the moment – well better terms anyway, so I'd rather not have him die at your hands…" he grimaced, "And what a way to go."

She frowned and crossed her arms in front of her, trying to fight down the red that was slowly creeping across her face. She hated being bad at something. "You've only had my cooking once."

"Once was enough."

She almost pushed out her lower lip, but stubbornly crossed her arms tighter instead. "It was a bad batch."

He let out a sharp laugh and shook his head again, it was a harsher move than his father, but very familiar. "I almost choked. No, scratch that, I did choke. And what I was choking on tasted somewhat reminiscent of tar and permecrete."

She huffed moving her arm enough to push back some hair that was in front of her face. "Have you eaten that as comparison?"

He shrugged, "No, but if I had to choose between your cooking and that combination I think I'd rather break my teeth on something I could identify."

Her mouth went open for a moment and then she quickly closed it. She crossed her arms again. "Are you just here to irritate me, or do you have something better to do?"

Dustil let out an overly dramatic sigh. "Well I'd really rather father wasn't dead, well at least today I'm feeling that way, so if it will stop you – I'll help."

She blinked in confusion at this gesture and eyed him warily. "I don't believe you."

He shrugged again. "Okay, so I won't 'help' I'll just keep you away from anything that has to do with food, that isn't on a plate and ready to be eaten. Of course if that's not a service to humanity, then I don't know what is."

She did not move for a moment, trying not to notice the gesture and failing miserably. She looked down at her feet, feeling utterly inadequate and slightly embarrassed. "Um… thanks." There was a long silence, and she hated those so she shrugged and threw on a grin. "That means you get the ingredients while I check out the latest holonovels."

Dustil sputtered for a moment as she shoved the basket into his arms and spun around and toward the other end of the store. She could hear a few choice words under his breath and smiled.

-

Revan craned her neck to see the pot boiling slowly. It all smelled… wonderful. She was knowingly jealous of Dustil's skills. She knew it was stupid to be jealous, but it seemed every time she came near a stove it sparked and spited her, some things you just could not read up on and learn. She dangled her legs off the counter where she was perched and breathed in the aroma. "What are you making?"

Dustil turned around and she had to restrain herself from laughing at the apron… again. "Stone Soup Stew."

She arched an eyebrow and turned her head towards him. "None of those words should be in the same sentence."

He rolled his eyes and went over to the cutting board near her and started to chop up some cuts of meat. "It's from that old fable, about the soup that started with just a stone."

She snorted, "I might be a bad cook, but I never used a stone as an ingredient."

Dustil's mouth twisted for a moment, "Those biscuits, or whatever they were supposed to be, sure felt like some kind of stone." She folded her arms and had no response; Carth had nearly broken his tooth. He continued while his hands went to work on cutting up more meat. "It's a story about this rogue that just sets up in the middle of town and starts to cook a soup, but only has a stone in it. So all the townspeople start coming around curious and he acts like it's the best thing in the word, so they want to have some and they give him vegetables and meats, and other soup ingredients as payment. And in the end it turns out to be enough for everyone and it's a very good soup."

One of her eyes closed a bit and she focused on him out of the other one. "What?"

He sighed and picked up the cut meat and placed it in one of the other pans, letting it simmer in the heat. "I forget what the moral was, something about sharing or something like that, but anyway, it's a soup that has a lot of different ingredients from all over to come together and make a good, though unusual combination."

She was still staring at him when he turned around to grab some seasonings and wiped his hands on his apron. Revan shook her head and dangled her feet again, letting the tips touch the floor. "You sound remarkably like Jolee at the moment," she narrowed her vision, "If I'm supposed to be the stone, I'll throw my shoe at you."

Dustil blanched for a moment and snorted, "Look you wanted to know what it was, it's not my fault you didn't hear any stories when you were younger." He turned towards the stove to stir some of the vegetables and fuss with the meat.

She looked at her feet and brushed her toe against the tile on the kitchen. It was possible that she had heard the story before and it had been just another thing that had been swept away during her mind wipe. She sighed and tried to change the subject so as not to touch on that part of her life. She did not feel like making it awkward. "So where'd you learn to make this?"

"My mother."

Revan winced. _Perfect, no this was a great subject change… not awkward at all._ She placed her hands on the edge of the counter and eyed the back of his head carefully. "Dustil… um," she breathed out wondering how the hell she was going to start this conversation. She did not have to.

"Save it," Dustil said brusquely, still facing the stove. He sighed and she could tell by the intonation and the way his shoulders tensed he was weighing something in his mind. She might have tried to reach out and know what he was thinking, but the thought of even using the Force to sense even base emotions now disgusted her, so she just tried to wait out the few moments, until his shoulders relaxed and he turned around. He turned his head a little to the side and looked down at an angle. "Look, it's been four years. It's not like it just happened and he just got over her like that, hell he practically obsessed about it…" his face tightened for a moment. "She wouldn't have wanted that."

There was a silence that hung in the air for a moment as Revan sized the young man up. She let out a low whistle, "Man, you are a one mature seventeen year old."

He snorted, "Yeah, with how you act now I'd hate to see you as a teenager."

Revan looked up towards the ceiling trying to grasp that concept. She had a few fleeting memories that were obviously fake about her teenage days, but what she was really like was beyond her grasp. She let out a deep sigh and the reason she would never use any Force power on someone's mind came back to her. "I suppose I was a Padawan… they're usually mature, or something."

He looked at her for a moment and shook his head. He turned towards the cutting board again and started to wash it off and then put the cloth down. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," she replied smartly.

He did not seem to notice, "Does it ever get any easier?"

"Does what get easier?"

"You know, _it_," he was looking down at the counter with a struggling conflicting between his eyes.

She eyed him warily. "Aren't you old enough to know about sex already?"

His face paled and he shook his head. "No! Oh, hell no!" he blanched and shuddered, "Oh that's going to put me in for a few years of therapy." Revan held back the urge to cackle and just tapped her fingers on the edge of the counter. She had a quick retort on the ready, but his shoulders tensed and he turned to look at her, leaning against the side of the counter. "I mean, all that stuff you did," he glanced away for a moment, "before."

"You mean being Dark Lord of the Sith?" she said, without any malice or snark.

He shrugged and leaned fully against the counter. "Yeah."

She turned her head towards her lap and closed her eyes. "Honestly, Dustil… I can't remember a damn thing."

He let out a puff of air and made a scraping noise against the counter. "Must be nice," he said bitterly.

She was about to retort with some off the hand comment, but it died on her tongue. "I don't envy you." He turned towards her eyebrow quirked. She continued, "I suppose I'm just taking this whole brain washed with soap thing for granted, but no memories… no guilt." She sighed and pressed her palms against the counter leaning back. "Standing on the Star Forge, looking at my supposedly former friend's lifeless body, do you want to know what I felt?"

Dustil folded his arms in front of him. "What?"

She let loose a sigh and caught him with a vacant stare, "Nothing. I felt nothing." She let her eyelids closed halfway over her eyes, giving her an inane sort of tunnel vision. "Everyone kept telling me afterwards, how strong I was and how hard it must have been, but…" she paused, "It wasn't any different than any of the Sith that had attacked me before."

"Oh…" There was silence for a moment before Dustil jumped a bit and ran towards the stove swearing and taking one of the pans off it, quickly. "Dammit, you are a jinx!"

Revan hopped down and glared at him. "Just because you can't pay attention to your food… I mean at least mine wasn't burnt."

Dustil turned around with his eyes wide, "It wasn't?" he shook his head sharply as he finished adding all the ingredients. "What the hell was that black stuff then?"

She crinkled her nose, "You know what, Dustil-" her impending tirade and flurry of words that would be sure to have him blubbering was cut off by the quick slide of the main door and Carth's entrance, followed by T3-M4 beeping behind him.

He stopped by the door and took a deep breath, "Hey, gorgeous, that smells great! Did you order out?"

Revan ignored Dustil's raucous laughter behind her as she removed her shoe and threw it at Carth.

-

Revan's eyes came open suddenly and she had to blink back at the darkness in the room. Something had woken her up, but she could not quite place it. She lifted herself carefully out of Carth's arms and he rolled over with a muffled groan. She was alert and awake and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness. She spread out her senses as far as their quarters and waited a few moments, before she was sure nothing was there. She felt off… and slowly crawled out of the bed, wincing as her bare feet touched the cold floor.

She scratched her bare stomach absent-mindedly as she walked. She brought her arms around herself and shivered in the chill of the night as she crept closer towards the refresher. She kept her senses open as she walked, not wanting to run into something and have a swearing fit; it would ruin her attempt at not waking Carth.

What had woken her up? She hadn't had a bad dream, she could not even remember having a dream at all, just the warmth of Carth around her before she drifted into sleep. She closed her eyes in frustration and leaned against the wall of the hallway. There was something different and she could not quite place it. It was like a buzzing in the back of her mind, nothing was inherently different, but something… something just felt new.

No, new wasn't the right word to describe it. She closed her eyes tighter and the smell of the air on Dantooine came to mind, but it wasn't the fresh air of summer she had experienced when she trained there for those few months, it was the crisp air of Fall. It was so subtle she almost did not notice until she focused fully on it and it came to her clearly. A memory… not brought on by a sweeping feeling of a sudden epiphany, but just a subtle tugging in the back of her mind to remind her that it was there.

That it… had _always_ been there.

-

Revan held her breath against the breeze that was bringing the fresh scent of fallen leaves and crisp autumn air. She pulled her legs up against the slowly sloping hill and ignored the heavy footsteps behind her. She had told him she wanted a walk by herself to clear her head, he said he would follow her. She thought he would give up, but that was four hours ago. He hated long periods of walking with an intensity that knew no bounds; he would even take a speeder with her driving at the risk of his life instead of taking a long walk. Yet still, he was behind her walking an even pace with no complaints.

She gave up and stopped fully at the crest of the hill. She looked down to where her hands were still clenched tightly and released them with a wince at the deep imprints her fingernails had left. She let out a deep shuddering breath as she felt his strong presence next to her. "I said I wanted to be by myself, Malak," she said quietly, looking out over the view that held no beauty for her at the moment.

She felt him sigh behind her and a strong hand was at her shoulder. "What you want isn't always what you need."

She turned around and looked up at his face. He was partially smiling down at her, mostly to cover up his concern. She did not want any pity; she wanted to remain strong, to not falter. But looking at the emptiness around her, with no prying eyes, his arms looked awfully tempting. Malak must have been reading her thoughts, because he pulled her in with the hand that was still on her shoulder and held her to his chest. She let out a sigh. She was never a big crier and tended to stay away from small comforts, but after today she did not know what to think anymore. She swallowed her pride and wrapped her arms around her taller friend.

"Mal?"

"Hmm?" He said his chin rested on her head.

She buried her head in his chest deeper; taking advantage of the nook his arm was creating. "Am I a jinx?"

His arms remained firm around her shoulders and back. "You are not a jinx, Revan."

She reluctantly broke the embrace and hugged her arms around herself. "This is the second one," she said quietly looking away.

Malak frowned and wrapped an arm around her as they both sat on the cool grass. "It wasn't your fault. Master Kae broke the tenants of the order; she lied for ten years and could have possibly caused a war. She wasn't even your master when any of this happened."

Revan frowned, she had really admired the woman, even slightly felt like her own daughter… maybe that was what Master Kae had been doing, surrogating Revan for the daughter she could never speak to and had hidden away for ten years. The teenager frowned again. "What about Mast–" the sharp look on Malak's face caused her to stop her speech. She licked her lips and began again, "What about my first Master?"

Malak's face twisted slightly, he did not like that name and had tried to keep Revan from mentioning it, for her own position within the order. "_She_ was using ancient Sith teachings with a young Padawan, even if you begged her to show you them, it would still have been her fault."

Revan winced, "I didn't…" Malak's face lightened up a bit at this and he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "Though," Revan trailed off a bit, "it was nice not to be underestimated," she scoffed under her breath, "for once." They sat in silence as Revan enjoyed the company and the view that matched her melancholy mood. She rested her head against his shoulder and let out another sigh. "You think I'll be a Padawan forever?"

She felt him stiffen for a moment. "Why would you say that? After the first time the Masters were practically fighting over you."

Her eyes were heavy and she started down at her knees. "The only Jedi exiled since Jaal Sha'en and they're both my Master, I don't think anyone is going to be very willing to take me on," she shut her eyes against the bitter sting of defeat. "I was so close, only a few more years."

Malak held her shoulders a little tighter. "You'll be fine."

She shook her head. "If they… I don't get another Master…" she choked back on a sob that was threatening to escape her throat, all sense of composure lost. "I don't have anywhere to go, Mal," her voice was tinged with a bitter desperation and a vulnerability that she had never shown anyone else.

Malak's body was completely stiff for a moment, before he pulled her against him and turned his legs so he could get a better hold on her. She did not cry into his chest, but a few dry heaves escaped and she clung onto his shoulders. He just held her until she quieted down. "Well… I did talk to Master Zhar…" he said softly.

"What?" she said, though it was muffled against his chest.

"He said that since it was towards the end of both our Padawanships that he would be more than willing to have two students," Revan stiffened against him as Malak continued, "Personally I think he's just bored of me doing the same exercises everyday and wants some variety."

Revan pulled away to look at him; her eyes were raw and she felt a lump forming in her throat. "Mal…" she said softly.

He shrugged and rested his forehead against hers for a moment. "Don't worry about it, Revan. It's nice to be able to do something for you for once… besides he really did want to train you, and well…" he looked away for a moment, "I guess I was just being selfish, I mean… I've missed you and this way I can be greedy and see you all the time instead of whenever you can make a visit."

A small smile crept over her face and she threw her arms around his shoulders, causing the older Padawan to let out an uncharacteristic yelp. She buried her face in his neck and felt the smallest bit of wetness on the corners of her eyes. "I love you, ya big doof," she murmured good-naturedly into his shoulder.

Malak's voice was tinged with something she would not notice, not even consider until she was older and thinking back on this, "I love you too, Revan," he whispered softly into her hair.

She let out a deep breath and started to giggle. She snickered more, holding her side as she fell back against the grass. "Oh, man Vrook is going to lose the bit of hair he has left when he hears I'm staying on Dantooine…" her eyes were alight with their usual vigor and vim as a grin snaked across her face. She lifted herself to her elbows to face Malak fully. "Oh the ideas I've been saving for him. Think we could get some pink dye?"

Malak shook his head. "Maybe I should tell Zhar to reconsider, I don't quite miss all those cleaning duties we got assigned for your schemes."

She grinned impishly. "Then we just have to not get caught!"

It was like old times again, Malak was trying to talk Revan out of doing something perpetually stupid and genius at the same time and she was ignoring him and coming up with the details. All thoughts of her previous Masters fled her mind and she fell into the comfortable routine of her youth, the previous vulnerability on the grass pushed to the back of her mind.

-

"Nothing. I felt nothing," Revan repeated to herself as thoughts of Dantooine and the Star Forge twisted around her and brought new meaning. She felt dread in her stomach at this, would she just wake up the next morning and remember everything? What if this was not the only time that Malak had been like this, like… like a friend. She leaned against the cool wall holding her arms to her chest.

It had been told to her by Bastila countless times, she had read up on it in the archives, he had even mocked her with it during that last fight, but she had never truly felt their words and knew their meaning until now.

She lifted herself off the wall and splashed some cold water from the refresher on her face and padded her way back to the bedroom, putting her finger to her mouth as she passed HK-47 making his rounds. He was still at attention when she walked away from him, but made less noise than she did. She slowly made her way back into the bed; almost hesitant to curl back up into Carth's arms, but upon entering the bed he sleepily wrapped his arms around her anyway.

She stiffened slightly, anxiety reeling inside her. She did not know what things would happen or what that memory had meant, but what she did know…

This was only the beginning.


	2. chapter 1

Thank you guys so much for all the reviews! I'm sorry about the lateness but this chapter was giving me so much trouble. Hopefully the next one will be less fussy. Just a note about the chapters, it will start off with a flashback and end with a flashback, but Revan does have her memories back, it's not her discovering her memories. Must thank iceycold for the use of Vin! 3

noneko - I 3 Dustil he just snuck in there. And yes, my beta made that noise at the end too. snackfiend101 - yes, the apron makes me giggle, gotta love a man that can cook. Thankyou everyone else, much love!

**Foresight  
**_Chapter 1_

She tried to keep her movement impassive, any slight deviation, any flicker of doubt within herself and she would be feeling the cool slice of metal against her skin. She had to find a medium between calm and alert so as not to make _it_ notice her. She was trying to make herself small, unobtrusive, so that _it_ would go past her, not give her another glance. It took strength and control she did not think she possessed to keep her mind and body clear. Focusing on _it_ made it all the more hard and she had to work at keeping each limb from even twitching. With her vision blocked and her eyes shut without any movement she had to keep her mind free.

Keeping her mind black left it open and vulnerable to thoughts even more so than when she was focused on a task. But she _was_ focused on a task, this was her task, to keep completely still until she was out of the scope of being sensed. Her breathing had stopped an hour, two hours ago; in this restless state of 'blank,' being the only way to describe it, she was one with nothing. The concept of it was so hard to grasp that it had taken her months to get here, but she was here nonetheless and she would not give up on her task. She would not let _it_ find her. She was stubborn, if nothing else, but obstinacy alone would not allow her to win. She had to dive into the teachings and mannerisms that she was desperately trying to avoid and fight off, just to make it to this point.

A blank canvas. A clean slate. An empty mind and body. She was finally free of any sensations. The feeling was wonderful, but to call it a feeling would not be doing it justice. The complete and total clear aura that she was immersed in made every emotion, every thought, every awareness disappear and all that was left was a soothing void. This void was not capable of pain, or hunger, or comfort, or love, it was just there, to exist, and to be. There were no motivations beyond that.

Pride at accomplishing this filtered in and the void disappeared. She could hear the rush of metal against the wind and she gave in to the temptation to open her eyes. The black blade, _it_, was pointed directly between her eyes, hovering in the air and waiting to dispose of her taint.

She felt the direct movement of a hand sweeping through the air and allowed air to fill her lungs again as the black blade was taken away from it's threatening pose. She felt a tight burn in her throat and grasped her chest, bending over in her sitting position as the circulation returned into her body, warmth to her blood, and all her bodily impulses came back into play. The owner of the hand, her master, spoke while she heaved and coughed on the floor.

"Very good, Padawan," the teacher's silky words came out smooth and with only the slightest hint of pride.

The young girl shuddered against her own impulses and the tiny tremor of satisfaction that came at hearing those words. Praise from her teacher was few and far between and the slightest word caused the girl to alight in the knowledge that she had reached this high standard, set by her master.

Her teacher continued, holding the black blade at her side, as if it was not even there. "Not many have reached this point. So I am not well versed in this speech."

The girl leaned back, her eyes wide as her breathing slowly returned to normal and she calmed the shuddering that was causing her body to convulse in unrest. She would not speak, even if she could cause her vocal chords to spring back to life, or force her lips back to their faint peach color instead of the pale blue they were currently employing. Her master turned around and placed _it_ back on its mantle piece. She turned towards the girl and waited for her young legs to find their strength and for the girl to lift herself up.

The student silently groaned with the effort and winced at the prickling feeling shooting down her legs as she rested her weight on them and stood before her master. She pulled her hands behind her back as the teacher stood above her. It was the perfect image of a young padawan and her master, except the Padawan's face was still deathly pale and her hair was pasted to her face with sweat. "I am ready for the next step," the young girl managed without choking or coughing. The ancient dialect was hard to pronounce, but it was never the language part of it that bothered her.

It was speaking with a Sith tongue and knowing how close it was to the Ancient Jedi language.

Her master nodded at her. "You have had but a taste of what that power was…" she lifted her lithe arm in the air and she pointed with her gloved hand towards the mantle. The black blade, the scourge of the young girl's life for months, flew into her hand and it glowed blacker than before. The teacher moved the hilt towards her student.

The girl tentatively reached her fingers around the blade, feeling the power surge into her and quickly shoving it back down into the blade. The black blade was no longer black, it was a steady stream of violet and she could see and feel it hum in her hands.

"Now, see that the ancient power we have been exploring is not the power of some ancient Jedi tool… it is within you," the teacher let the briefest of smiles cross her face, "As it has always been, Revan."

-

Revan was sprawled out on the floor, one leg tucked under her and the other stretched long and away from her. She had a hydrospanner in hand and a few component pieces in her mouth. She tirelessly began to make the motions of fixing up the spare parts in front of her. She gave a triumphant nod and spit out the few pieces in her mouth as she finished. She tapped her toes and looked around the room for something else to do.

T3-M4 whirred past her as the little droid made its rounds. She curled her other leg under her and narrowed her vision. She whistled at the droid. "Oy, T3. C'mere!" The droid stopped its trip and spun its headpiece around. He made a low whirring noise in fear at the sign of Revan with a hydrospanner. She rolled her eyes, "Just shut up and come here, I want to update your process chip."

T3 let out a tirade of beeps.

Revan frowned and glared at him. "Because I'm bored, you tin can! You don't need another reason – and don't _beep-beep_ me! Just get over here." She shook her head as the droid finally complied. "I really should get rid of you, but unfortunately, flyboy thinks you're swell."

T3 beeped a few times in irritation.

Revan scoffed as she began to remove a section of paneling. "Of course I like HK better. He was built by me," she lowered herself to be more even to T3's inner compartments, "And he gives me less sass."

The little droid let out a few more noises and his processors buzzed.

She let out a sharp laugh and carefully moved a few wires out of the way, "Very eloquently put, I'll be sure to tell HK-47 that, when he gets done recharging." Revan sat in silence for a few minutes as she concentrated on updating a few programs and basic maintenance. She stopped as she noticed something a bit off, "Since when did you start storing messages?"

The astromech droid let out a low nervous beep.

Revan frowned at that and began to fiddle with the small droids programming, "Yeah well I wanna watch it. You're my droid, I had to kill Bendak Starkiller to get you and listen to Bastila and Carth bitch about it for three days straight so I have rights to watch whatever you have – ah there!"

The light blue of a holo crackled and fizzled and then came into focus displayed above T3's headpiece. Revan lifted herself up on her knees as she noted who the speaker was. "What are you wearing, flyboy?" she muttered to herself before being silenced by the quiet desperation in the holo's voice.

"T3, there's not much time - I've seen that expression on her face before," the Carth holo shook his head, "Now I don't know where she's planning on going, but it's dangerous. She's going to leave without telling me –" Revan felt a jolt of pain at that remark… he knew. "I don't know why, but there's a chance that she'll take you. If she does, I need you to watch out for her. She's strong, but she can't face everything alone." Revan's hand dropped to her sides as she stared at it, "Do what you can, T3 - if she doesn't make it back, then I need you to come back, find help. If not me, then other Jedi, the Republic..." The holo's face was hardened and she could catch the hint of sadness that was reflected in the blue tinted eyes, "I can't lose her, even if she wants to be lost."

Revan sat numbly on the floor staring blankly at where the holo was located earlier. She was barely roused out of it when she heard a series of beeps from T3. She shook her head sadly, "No, I- I guess I was planning on that."

She turned her gaze towards the door and bit her lip. "I have to explain it to him…" she lifted herself up, "Somehow."

-

The fork clinked against the empty plate, signaling a lull in the conversation and the inevitable overture that was on its way. Revan looked carefully at the piece of silverware and considered shoving it through her arm as a distraction. If she did that, Carth would have to rush her to the medical facilities and then baby her until they found out why she had shoved a fork in herself. She let a long drawn-out sigh leave her mouth and put the fork down. He would never have fallen for it anyway.

"Carth…" she began looking across the table at the unsuspecting victim of her latest scheme. Except it wasn't a scheme, and this wasn't funny.

He looked up from his plate with a smile and upon seeing the tight expression in her eyes and the determined set of her shoulders he frowned. "The rebuilding effort on _Citadel_ is going really well, they've got some new tech that worked in the Mandalorian Wars helping out with the shield generators and I've heard nothing but good things."

Revan bit her lip and tried again, "Carth."

He shrugged it off, "You know it's getting harder and harder to find good techs these days, I mean with all the droids processing new information, it's like all everyone wants is droids doing all the work, but who are you going to pick when the droids break down? That's what I'd like to know," he let out a forced and nervous laugh.

"Carth…"

He was not listening and she felt her gut tighten at his compulsory speech. "It's not like it's not a lucrative market for those guys, I mean droid repair, droid building is one thing, but the whole set up with shields and generators and what-not that needs some hands on work-"

"Carth!" she had not realized that her tone was loud and frustrated until she had spoken. She pressed her palms against the table and let her shoulders droop as she stared at him.

He chuckled softly, "Not like the Republic doesn't need a good set of Techs…"

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "I-I need to talk to you about something."

He looked away, "Good techs are hard to come by, and if you had the real skill for it you could make a killing."

"Carth!" she tried again, desperately. "I'm trying to tell you something here."

He stood up and slammed his hands on the table making it shake. "Damnit, woman! I know what you're going to tell me." She felt her breath catch in her throat as he waved off to T3-M4 who was powered down in the corner. She found her hands utterly incapable of staying still and brought them to her lap. He continued on, "You…" his voice was dry on the words and there was a hint of scorn in his words, "you're leaving." A statement. Not a question. She nodded softly and twisted her hands in her lap. He stared at her until she looked up at him and with a single word brought her resolve crumbling, "Why?"

She knew looking into those eyes that this was going to be the hardest part, not facing whatever danger awaited her in the dark regions of wherever she was going, but him, here, now, with her leaving. That would be impossible. "I can't – I mean I'm – Carth I have to-" Words were always a strong point with Revan, even when she was younger and shy, when she would speak they would have meaning and be useful. She had read up on every form of literature and every possible article or reference on speaking, she had even trained in politics and social situations, but here with Carth she was useless and stumbling.

He walked over to where she was trying to form words and knelt by her chair. Carth lifted her chin with his hand and met her vision with a strong resolve, "You don't have to do anything." He moved his finger to cover her cheek and gave a half smile, "Just stay here, with me."

As she looked down into those deep brown eyes, and she realized she would give anything not to remember. Every one of her memories was a precious gift that she had sorely taken for granted over the years, but if she could just forget what she had done, forget what she needed to do, she could stay. But Revan was pragmatic, Revan was practical, Revan was a tactician, and Revan did what she set out to do no matter whom she hurt. And this time it looked like she would be hurting the one person she wanted to keep that from.

She brought her hand from her lap and covered the one on her face, leaning into the feel of his palm on her chin. She breathed in deeply, trying to capture this moment, let it be one of the memories that she would never take for granted again. "I have to leave, Carth…" she said finally and looked at him, the hard resolve in her eyes finally returning as his hand slipped off her face, "And I can't take you with me."

Carth pulled back from kneeling and stood up. "I'm not some washed out geezer that hasn't gotten his feet wet. Revan, it's only been a year since the Star Forge. I was on that station with you, or did you forget that?"

She shook her head, cutting herself away from any feeling in the conversation. If she was going to do this, she had to do it now. "This is different."

He raked a hand through his hair in an act of exacerbation. "How, Revan? How is this different? Or do you think I'm too stupid to understand…" he shook his head and she made no reaction, which seemed to aggravate him more. He shot a glance toward her and she could tell an idea had formed in his head, "Would you have even told me anything if you hadn't found that message in T3?" his voice was quiet and she could hear the hurt, "Would you have just left?"

She could not look at him anymore and dipped her head toward her lap, "I don't know," she said softly.

"What was that?" he said, his voice taking on a more angered tone, though there was still that hint of desperation.

She snapped her head up, "I said, 'I don't know.' I'm sorry, Carth, but I don't."

He leaned back; his jaw set firmly and crossed his arms against his chest. "Then tell me, Revan, what _do_ you know?"

She bit back the biting remark that came to her as soon as he said that and stood up slowly. "I can't talk to you when you're like this." She turned around sharply and headed toward the bedroom.

He growled in frustration behind her and grabbed her arm, roughly, turning her to face him. "Like what, Revan? Like a man who's scared of losing what put him back together again? Like that?"

She stiffened in his grip and stared at him, cold and hard. She had done this many times before in her youth and she could do it again. Just cut off from the conversation, don't show any emotion and she wouldn't get hurt. "No, like someone who's being unreasonable and trying to guilt me into staying, when I have to leave," she said coolly.

Carth released his grip on her arm as if she'd burned him. "I'm being unreasonable?" he said slowly.

She nodded and hugged her arms around herself, in an unconscious act of protection. "Yes, you are trying guilt me out of something I need to do. I would call that being unreasonable."

He shook his head, "You are unbelievable; you know that?"

She could not think of a response and walked away from him and into the bedroom. She was aware of him walking behind her, as she settled down on the bed and began to take off her shoes. He made no movement towards her, just stood there numbly as she started to undress and get ready for bed. She heard a heavy sigh mixed with a dry chuckle as she began to take her shirt off and pulled it back down as she turned to face him. "What?" she eyed him cautiously.

He shook his head, "That's no fair. I can't talk any sense if you're not wearing clothes."

She smiled lightly and it died fast on her mouth. She could not cut him off; Carth had broken that ability within her. She no longer had the strength to keep him out. And that was why he had to stay. She slowly lifted herself off the bed and walked over to him, "Carth," she said softly.

"Don't start that again," his tone was wry, but his eyes were heavy.

Revan stared at him for a moment, before wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. She felt him sigh and wrap his arms around her in return. "I'm so sorry, Carth."

"Don't be sorry," he said softly, "Just don't leave."

She shut her eyes against the bitter sting of tears that threatened to fall. She did not cry. She had barely shed a tear when she lost her family; she would not start now. "I have to do this, Carth," she continued, effectively cutting off whatever he was going to say in response, "And I can't take anyone I love with me."

He was silent for a moment, before slowly pulling her back by her shoulders at looking at her. He said with the most serious and sincere tone he had, "I love you, Revan." He kept his eyes locked with hers and she burned under his gaze, but could not turn away, "I would do _anything_ for you," his voice and manner were so heartfelt that she did not feel worthy to be in his presence.

But Revan saw every opportunity put before her and this one was staring at her in the face. "Anything?" she asked seriously, "Anything at all?"

"Yes," Carth said without a pause or hesitation.

She slowly guided her hands to his arms and down to where his hands rested firmly on her shoulders, "Then stay here, Carth. Keep the Republic strong."

"What?" he was caught off guard and she was fondly reminded of Taris when she had fooled him into fighting in the dueling ring instead of him as if it was his idea.

She nodded slowly, "The Republic needs strong leaders to help it rebuild. You're a war hero, you're a good solid leader, a great speaker, and if I may say," she said with a cheeky smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "a demon in the sack. Though I hope you won't be using that skill."

He twisted his hands to hold hers. "I can't do that, Revan. I can't just let you go off to – wherever, by yourself."

She felt a twinge of regret as he let go of her hands and went to sit on the bed. She stared at him as he sighed deeply and held his head up with his arms rested on his legs. She took a deep breath and tried to down the urge to just give up on this. She sat down next to him and rested her hand on his arm. "You said you would do anything for me and the Carth Onasi I know doesn't mince his words."

He stared at her, all at once seeming strong and frightened. "Alright," he said, defeated. "For you, I'll stay."

She tried not to let the relief show on her face but fell into his arms feeling grateful. "Thank you, Carth. I love you."

"You'd better," he said with another attempt at humor, but it died as he held her tightly to him. She clung to him and tried to crawl into his skin, trying to savor every last piece of him she could find. They just sat there together and he only spoke again after a long moment and a weary sigh, "When?"

She was practically in his lap now and felt childish curled up his arms. She felt afraid. "Tomorrow… I don't think I can wait any longer."

He nodded slowly, "I guess I could take High Admiral Trest up on his offer." She tried to find words, but they would not come to her mind and she just stayed silent and near him. He pressed his nose into her hair and breathed in. She could feel his lips against her forehead as he spoke, "Don't let me lose you."

"I don't want to be lost," she said quietly and leaned up to look at him. "You don't have to-"

He silenced her quickly by pressing his lips to hers and she felt like she was taking her last breath of oxygen before diving into a deep sea. But the irony was, Revan didn't know how to swim.

He pressed his forehead against hers and fingered a strand of her hair, "I'll wait as long as you need me, gorgeous. Just don't dawdle out there."

She kissed him and then they were just playing parts that had been played across the galaxy for millennia before them. Two lovers saying one last goodbye.

-

They could not say goodbye near the _Ebon Hawk_. They were going to part ways at the transport modules, Carth back to their quarters and Revan to the _Hawk_. That was the deal, but after an awkward hour of just holding each other and ignoring the odd onlookers, no one wanted to be the first to leave. Carth arms around Revan were tight and he made no move to let her go.

She glanced at the clock and knew that the last module would be leaving in ten minutes. It was now or never. She carefully slid her hands down his chest and softly pushed him away. She caught his eyes and could not form the words, but took a terrifying step back. She closed her eyes and put her head down, rubbing out the tension with her fingers. He moved to put his arms around her again, but as she stiffened he settled for just placing reassuring hands on her shoulders.

"You – you don't-" he stopped his speech, she had made him promise not to ask her again and he would keep his promise. She almost wished he wouldn't. She slowly lifted her head and looked at him, trying to commit his face to memory as she put her hands on the ones on her shoulders. She held them for a moment, reveling in the familiarity of hands that had protected and comforted her countless times.

"I can't…" she licked her lips trying to make this come out right, "I have to be selfish again."

He quirked an eyebrow as she brought his hands down and let them drop, realizing she was not speaking of the impending trip, "What now?" It was supposed to be a joke; he knew that, she knew that. With the way his lips turned in that familiar smile of his and that dry chuckle that left his lips, it was supposed to be funny. But it was forced and it no one was really laughing.

She ran her tongue over her lips and tried to keep her gaze steady. "Can you walk away first," she did not break to let him interrupt, "I don't want to have me leaving you on my mind where I'm going… I just it would be easier – I mean not easier but-"

He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her, cutting off any more of her words and putting everything he had into this final goodbye. She was being terribly selfish in every sense: she was making him stay so she would not be distracted and hurt by him getting hurt, she was making him keep the Republic strong when he wanted to be with her, she was making him leave and walk away from her when she knew she was the one doing it. And Carth complied with everything… she felt own guilt nagging at her and tried to shut it out as she pressed herself against him. She wasn't aware when it ended or who broke off for air, but at that second he had more strength than her.

Carth let her go and with one last look he turned sharply. She did not waste a second and shut herself off from all around her in the Force and in view. She was as good as gone as Carth turned around to look back at her. She could not watch the look on his face as he sighed and turned back around.

When he was out of sight she made her way silently towards the _Hawk_. She had never felt more numb as when walking towards the ship.

The droids were waiting for her when she got there and she wished she could be like that again, solid and programmed. There was something frighteningly comforting about being programmed. To know that all your actions were based on what was set in your protocols… to be able to shift blame. It was never the droid's fault, it was always the programmer or the tech – of course some people did blame the droid.

Revan walked up the ramp and threw her sack on the floor, hearing the droids come up behind her. She followed T3 into the cockpit and climbed into the pilot's chair. It felt off being there. Carth had not been the pilot the entire time, but she had never sat in this chair and it always seemed like he was here. If she closed her eyes she could still picture him sitting in this chair in that garish orange jacket taking them away from Tatooine.

She breathed in deep and trying to banish the thought that it still smelled like him, felt like him, was in all essence, him. She blinked back the tears and had to register a moment of shock as they fell on her face. She could remember a lot of things now, practically every memory, but the last time she had cried was vague and too far back to even comprehend. But now she was biting back sobs as the ship began to take off and the emptiness and finality of what she was doing sank in.

She just curled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. She sobbed heavily and loudly; ignoring whatever disgust she would feel the next day for her weakness.

-

"Da!" the young girl called out helplessly. "DA!" she called again, stretching her voice. She had been searching for nearly an hour and somehow she had been led to this tall cliff. Standing looking up at the imposing precipice caused fear to wrap around her. She knew she should have waited for someone to come with her, but it had never stopped her before and she felt something was wrong. She had to follow. "Da!" she screamed towards the top of the cliff.

She reached out a hand to a heavy rock ledge that was just high enough for her to grab and tried to pull herself up. She did not know why, but she felt that her father was up there. She could feel him. If she shut her eyes she could smell her father's heady scent after a long day of working out in the fields and the slight residue of oil and dirt that filled the air and the thick leather of his boots.

She winced against the pain as her knee came in contact with a particularly sharp edge of rock. She instinctively pulled herself up onto the ledge and held the knee, now exposed underneath her trousers and bleeding from the small scrape.

She unconsciously hid away from the pain, trying to focus her mind on the task at hand. This was just another droid to fix up for the farm, just another obstacle to cross, another datapad to read. She pulled the gloves she was wearing tighter on her hands and firmly grasped her hand onto the next handhold. She focused on the overpowering awareness of her father and tried to follow it and let it guide her to him. She had to use all the strength in her arms and legs to hoist herself up and resisted the unwavering urge to look down as she climbed further and further up the rock face.

She coughed as some dust fell towards her face and shut her eyes to keep out any loose fragments. She let out a harsh sneeze and all at once felt her grip slipping from her latest handhold. The girl let out a sharp gasp. Panic gripped her as her she frantically tried to keep her fingers on the stone. She had no grip with her gloves and she was becoming more aware of the pain in her knee. She was losing that thin line to her father and it was alarming her.

In that one moment of pure fear, where her connection to him was gone, no smell, no picture, nothing in her mind, her grip vanished and she fell. Her lungs did nothing but take in air and she could not even find the urge to scream as the wind whipped her cheeks and arms, turning them red in seconds. She felt nothing. The fear of the inevitable landing did not even have time to compute as she felt something jar her out of the air.

Her side went numb with the brunt of it and she jerked into a hard and malleable surface. After a moment she felt and heard heavy breathing that was not her own, and the hard jolt from the ground. She dared to open her eyes and realized she was being cradled in a stranger's arms. It did not make any sense, as she knew that she had fallen from too high for someone to catch her. She glanced up and her vision was clouded just enough to make out blue eyes and light hair. She brought her arm up in front of her weakly and turned her head as she heard a familiar voice, bringing her out of what must have been a dream.

"REVAN!" the startled cry belonged to her cousin who she could tell had been crying, her instinctive urge to tease her was thwarted when the woman took her from the man's arms and wrapped her own tightly around her. She held her close and dropped to the ground, weeping and embracing the girl. Her cousin let her go and looked up at the man who was joined by another with blonde hair, "Thank you! Master Jedis," she said with much emotion. Revan was beginning to come to her senses and noticed them quirk their lips at that comment. She was spun back around to face her cousin now completely sure of her safety. "We were so worried about you, Revan. Why did you run off, bantha-brain?" she smacked her arm lightly the relief clearly showing in her face.

All at once Revan remembered why she was climbing. "Da!" she said frantically, her voice coming back slowly. She whipped around towards the two men, "My father is up there," she pointed breathlessly towards the cliff, "He's hurt, please help him!"

She was not aware what a 'Jedis' was, but she knew that they had saved her and she wanted them to save her father. The man who had joined them eyed her carefully as her cousin waved them off, "Her father is not up there. Revan, don't be telling nonsense. I swear her head is always in a book," she looked down at the child with a scolding look in her eye.

Revan stepped away firmly and her eyes were cold and hard as she turned back towards the two men, "I know he's up there," she said firmly, "I _felt_ him."

Her cousin was fiddling with the hem of her shirt, Revan could tell without turning around. "Revan-"

The blonde man kneeled before Revan and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Do you remember exactly where you felt him?"

"Vin?" the other man stepped closer.

The blonde man, apparently Vin shook his head, "I know, Kavar, but maybe you can use that jumping skill for climbing and really 'wow' me."

The other man, Kavar, made an odd expression that was a mixture of a frown and a smile. "Revan?" he said tentatively, as if testing out the name, "Can you concentrate on what you felt?"

Vin squeezed her shoulder encouragingly, "Yes, try to picture it in your head."

Revan held her breath and closed her eyes as she tried to remember exactly where that thin line was coming from. She felt it faintly just out of her grasp and it came into her mind. "He's near the top, by moorak."

Her cousin took a sharp breath and took a step forward, taking Revan a step back from the two Jedi. "I don't know what you're getting at here, but it's not funny. Her Da is fine, you – you should go."

Revan broke off the instinct and spun around on her heels. She glared up at her cousin. "No!" she snapped feeling desperation as that thin link was fading, "I'm not stupid, Ada, he's by moorak!"

Vin came closer and her cousin instantly recoiled. He brought out his hands in a non-threatening gesture. "What's a 'moorak'?"

With the cool gaze of the two men and the demanding gaze of the child before her, she let her hands drop in defeat. "It's a Bothan word, they use it for the face of the cliff... over where the rocks are shaped like a crescent moon."

The two nodded to each other and made quick work of heading over to the cliff, disappearing as they went around a sturdier path than Revan had attempted to take.

It was a nerve wracking twenty minutes as Revan's cousin held her tightly as they waited for the two men to bring her father back down. Her cousin kept mumbling things to her about keeping quiet when they came back and that her father would be fine, but Revan's mind was too preoccupied with her father's safety. Her cousin, Ada, let out a sharp gasp as the two men came down holding Revan's father who looked slightly irritated with the fuss.

Revan sprang from her cousin's grip the second her father's feet touched the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt a rush of relief as he put his arms around her. "Calm down, spark, I'm alright… these two uh… men fixed up my leg."

She burrowed her head in his neck and clung on to him tightly. Her father rubbed her back slowly and she could feel his head shift as her cousin spoke up, "What happened, why were you up there?"

Her father shrugged and the motion made her arms shift up to his neck. "One of the droids blew and went up there, I had to go get it… no use in wasting good parts."

Revan slipped out of the embrace and held her fathers hand as she looked at the nervous expression on her cousin's full face. "You – you told Revan that you were going up there… didn't you?"

He narrowed his gaze and looked down at his daughter. "No. I didn't – I… well I thought I'd be stuck up there, going away without telling anyone. Why do you ask?"

She clamped her mouth shut and shot a look toward Revan her eyes filled with a new terror. Revan stepped back into her father and crossed her arms around her protectively; dropping the hand she was holding. "Ada was a big baby and crying all over the place when I went to look for you!"

Her father looked down at her. "You went to look for me by yourself?"

Revan nodded proudly, "I climbed up there too!"

"She fell!" her cousin snapped, put off at the impetuous nature of the girl and the slights in her direction. She took a deep breath, "She fell off half way down… I thought for near sure she was going to die, but I had gotten these," she turned to the two men who had been standing back out of the family reunion, "Jedis-"

"Jedi," Kavar said quickly and looked away quickly as if he had not said a word. Vin shot him a look and beckoned the woman to continue.

She brushed her hands on her skirt. "I found these, _Jedi_," she said with sour undertone directed at them, "over by the docking port downtown when I was searching for her young rear. I thought she'd crawled into the droid bins again."

Revan let out an indignant cry. "That only happened once!"

Her father laughed quietly against her and put his hand on her shoulder, "Hush, spark. Let your cousin finish."

Ada sniffed loudly and pressed her hands against her thighs with a glare at her younger cousin. "Well I was looking for her and I started to get worried and then someone said they had seen her going towards the cliffs and I started to get scared. And well, these men came with me and well that one," she pointed at Kavar, "jumped up so high he was taller than a building and he just plucked Revan right out of the air as she fell."

Revan felt her father's grip tighten on her shoulder. "You fell?" the worry and sternness in his tone was clear.

She nodded and looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes clearly. "You were in trouble, I could tell! I – I had to help, Da!"

"Like your mother," he said under his breath as he pulled her towards him and held her to his chest. "Next time go get an adult, spark. You're not old enough to run out on your own."

"I'm five!" she protested.

"Four and half," her cousin snorted under her breath.

Revan turned to glare at her, but was distracted by the movement of her father standing. He walked over to the two men and grasped Kavar's hand and shoulder. "You have my eternal gratitude for saving my daughter – saving me was one thing, but this one… well you'll be welcome here from now on," he turned to Vin, "Both of you…"

Ada came up behind Revan and flicked her ear, eliciting a cry from the young girl who rubbed her ear and glared while her cousin began to speak. "I bet you two haven't had any real Deralian cooking. You should come back with us – there's always room for a few more guests."

"We don't want to impose," Kavar began, but Revan's father shook his head sharply, and led him by the shoulder in a walk.

"Nonsense, we treat our guests right by any means, but you saved two of my family's lives today, so you can at least let us feed you."

Revan did not hear much else as they started to meander off and her cousin hitched up her skirt to follow them, with a quick snap of her head to tell Revan to follow. Revan let out a deep sigh and crossed her arms again, she felt Vin behind her and he smiled. "Such a bitter expression for one so young."

Revan looked up at him and then back at the ground. She kicked her feet out as she walked. "I don't like it when they think I'm stupid."

"I don't recall anyone calling you stupid today, you seem very bright to me," he smiled warmly and held out his hand.

Revan eyed it for a moment and decided he was worthy and held his hand while she walked. "They don't have to call me it, for me to know what they think. Just because I don't like playing with dolls and making ugly pillow covers doesn't make me dumb," she nodded firmly, "I like to read and I like to fix things. That should make me smart not stupid."

Vin nodded carefully as they approached a more populated area. "It should, you're right." Revan seemed to appreciate these words and she smiled at him, he gave a small smile back before carefully eyeing the group ahead of them where Kavar looked to be flailing in the hospitable attentions. He shook his head and looked down at Revan. "Do you go to school, Revan?"

Revan's smile left her face and she frowned deeply. "_No_," she said in the most disappointed and sour voice a small child can muster. "I have to wait 'till I'm older," she repeated the sentence she heard every day she complained.

She watched as his mouth turned and he appeared to be processing a thought. "I went to a very good school when I was close to your age..."

Revan's eyes lit up again. "Really? Where?"

"Coruscant," he was about to explain about Coruscant when Revan's face folded and she stopped her walking.

"How do they fit a school there? I read that there was no room with all the 'spedars'."

Vin looked down at her, taking the word as 'speeders'. "Where did you read this, Revan?"

She grinned brightly, "The holonet," she narrowed her vision, "You gotta shush though, cos I'm not supposed to be on it."

He nudged her forward so that they didn't get too far behind and smiled as an idea came to him, "You know, Revan, on Coruscant they have a library that's bigger than the entire market place."

Revan gasped and her eyes widened. "Really?" He nodded and she walked numbly for a while as it processed in her mind. She could not even imagine having that many books and datapads to read all that knowledge for the taking and Coruscant had lots of droids, she knew that much. She could be useful there. She looked up at Vin and determination flared in her young eyes. "Could I go to this school?"

Vin stared at her for a moment and she felt a tingling sensation that made her nose twitch. He nodded after a moment, "I'll ask when I get back, but I am almost certain they would love to have you there."

The young girl caught on the word 'almost' and frowned. "Well they'd better," she said stubbornly, "Cos I'm going either way."


	3. chapter 2

A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long to get out. I'd like to give a big thanks to Kosiah for betaing this for me and everyone else who reviewed the last chapter and prologue. I really appriciate it and will attemp to get the next chapter out soon.

The soft blue sheen caught her eyes, her attention wavered, and she glanced to her. She tried to hold back her childish amazement at the small creature floating near her, but it was difficult with the four fluttery wings circling her. She had read up on these creatures and looked at pictures, but she had never truly experienced the way the light movement of its wings would caress her nose with the softest bit of air.

"A much different experience, when one's nose is out of books, eh my Padawan?" Master Arren Kae's blue eyes lit up with amusement as she knelt down next to the girl.

Revan nodded. "I did know Alderaan had such colorful wildlife up close." She let a slight grin cross her face. "The pictures don't do them justice."

Kae smiled and spread her palm open. "A Jedi should be well educated, but not completely devoid of contact with the world. One does not want to be stuck in the archives for the rest of one's life."

The young teen stared at the palm and her brow crinkled as a thought came to her. "What about Jedi Atris?"

Kae's smile left her face and Revan immediately regretted it. "There is an old Coruscanti Proverb that I believe applies here, Padawan: If you can't say anything nice," she smirked, "Don't say anything at all."

The girl giggled and leaned back on her haunches. "It's a shame they don't put that to use for their politics."

Her master winked at her, "You are learning, my Padawan." She spread her arms wide with her palm still open. The Aldera creature fluttered around them. "Revan – a Jedi has great power; power beyond knowledge, power beyond strength, power even beyond wisdom." Master Kae closed her eyes, fair hair falling on her face. Revan admired her features, they were soft and firm, exactly how she pictured her mother must have looked like. Kae's voice stretched out in an ethereal sense and she opened her eyes. "Jedi have the power to entice others to follow…"

The fluttering creature carefully landed on Kae's open palm and Revan's breath caught. Seeing it still in all it's beauty showed a thin transparency in the wings where the sun leaked through to create the smallest rainbow. After a moment Kae closed her eyes again and closed her hand into a fist. She brought her fingers down so tightly that Revan felt the creature be cut off from the Force.

"Jedi also have the power to crush life," Kae said darkly, her eyes still closed.

Revan was not a crier. She hardly ever shed a tear, but the sight of that pure beauty being destroyed in a single breath brought a deep sorrow to her soul. That beauty should not be taken out of the world. "M-Master… Kae?"

Her master threw her other hand out to silence her. She opened her eyes and they held a slight glow. "Jedi also, on a rare occasion, have the power to preserve, or even rarer, revive life…" she opened her palm and the creature was completely unharmed and flew off.

Revan stood and followed its flight path until it was out of her vision and turned back to Kae. "Did you really kill it?" Kae nodded. "Jedi are supposed to protect life not destroy it, not even for a lesson!" she said, her voice rising.

Kae remained calm. "What if I told you that this creature was harmful to Alderaan's ecology? Would you still be so quick to defend it?"

Revan bit her lip. "How is it harmful?"

Her master sighed and folded her hands on her lap. "They are not indigenous. A merchant brought them over and they happen to enjoy eating a bug that secretes a very helpful enzyme for the trees. Without it, the trees have trouble defending against certain infestations and diseases."

The young Padawan put her exuberant mind to work and ran through a few scenarios in her mind. "We… could help re-locate them?"

"And what if they did not wish to leave peacefully? Or they could not be transported after adjusting to the environment?" Kae made no signs of impatience, but Revan could tell she was thinking of something by the slight quirk of her eyebrow.

Revan bit at her lip again. "There must be a way to manipulate the enzyme the bugs make so that we could replicate it."

"Ahh, but then the poor bugs would still get eaten," Kae did not smile, but her eyes showed her delight at her Padawan's answers.

Revan sighed. "Then I give up. How would they fix it?"

Kae shrugged. "They are probably debating this in the ecology sector of the Alderaan Parliament at this very moment."

"You mean there isn't a solution?"

"Not yet, Padawan." Kae smiled, "Sometimes there isn't always a quick solution to everything, this has been a topic for debate for three years and it took them two just to think of your suggestion. But more importantly," she took a deep breath and eyed her Padawan. "If a Jedi has the power to crush or revive, do they have the right to choose?"

Revan's answer that was ready to be said died on her tongue knowing about the differing circumstances. She stared at the ground as her mind mulled the question over. She twitched her nose and tried to consider all the different variables and alternatives and then add some more variables onto that. She stared up at Kae. "I believe I have an answer, Master."

Kae smiled. "That is very good, Revan. But it is not the answer that is always important, Padawan. It is the question."

-

Revan closed one eye to change her perspective as she leaned against the archive doors. _Hurry up, Bas'. I'm hungry._ She called it out through the Force and couldn't help but let a slow creeping smile spread over her face as she heard Bastila's clipped response through their bond.

_Hold your damned Kaira Horses, Revan. I will be with you shortly._

Revan grinned. It was obvious that she was a very bad influence on the younger woman and it amused her greatly.

"Revan…" the cold and crisp voice, which she had always associated with detentions and lectures on proper library protocol, wrenched the smile off her face.

She cocked her head to the side, not at all delighted to see three Masters standing before her. "Atris," she grinned. "Lovely weather, isn't it?"

"Seems even after all these years you are still loitering by the archives, young one," Zhar managed a grin and Revan gladly returned it.

"I guess a mindwipe can't wipe out the knowledge lover in me?" she stared directly at the frowning face of Master Vrook as she said that.

Atris crossed her arms over her Master of the Archives robes and frowned. "It was for the universe's own good. Not all were as lucky as you to get a second chance at redemption."

"Redemption…" Revan repeated and sighed. She brightened and winked at Vrook who glared more. "You know, I've always wondered if you master types just hang out all the time together? I mean you always seem to come in pairs or trios… is there like some secret club?"

"Not one you will be experiencing any time soon," Vrook frowned. "After the incident and your outrageous behavior at the temple, you'll be lucky if we reinstate you as a Padawan."

She flashed her teeth at him. "You did it once before when I became a Sith, what's a few swearwords against that?"

Zhar rubbed his temple as Atris let out a cry of disgust. "You threw your cross of glory off the balcony on the fifteenth floor of the temple grounds."

Revan shrugged. "I'm a visual person. I like a symbol when I say f-" Zhar gave her a cross look and Revan's swear died on her lips and only "off," came out. She sighed.

Atris' nose curled up in disgust at Revan and she turned towards Vrook and Zhar. "If you two will excuse me I have to go finish my duties at the archives for the day."

Zhar nodded and one of his lekku twitched agitatedly. "You will talk to him, won't you, Atris?"

She set her mouth in a thin line and glanced quickly to the side. "I will attempt to talk to him about taking a Padawan… but he doesn't listen to me," she looked down and her face noticeably softened. "Not anymore."

Vrook frowned. "We are stretched thin enough as it is…" he shook his head, "Revan, I assume your visit has more to do with testing my patience than anything else, so I will leave you be before you make me lose it."

Revan smirked, "Goodbye, Vrook."

Vrook's glance caught hers for a moment and he narrowed his vision slightly. He shook it off and nodded sharply before walking off.

Zhar was all that was left and Revan felt immensely pleased with that. "Who were they talking about?"

Her former Master's lekku twitched as well as the corner of his mouth. "That is council business as you well know, my former student."

She looked unabashed. "Master Reynard?" she ventured a guess. The old Ithorian hated taking on new Padawans.

Zhar shook his head with a laugh. "Sadly the problem is only too common. There are far too few Masters and Knights to take new Padawans … we already lost the most promising during the Mandalorian Wars for the same reason."

_Because all the good Knights died on Malachor V_ remained unsaid. Revan coughed breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Master Jolee Bindo not taking on any new Padawans?" she asked with a grin breaking through.

Zhar held a steady face, but the tips of his lekku pointed up in amusement. "Two actually, he is off-world with them as we speak."

"Two…" Revan couldn't help but picture the trouble Jolee had gotten himself into.

Bastila's hand arrived on Revan's shoulder before her presence in the Force was alerted. Revan jumped a little and turned. "About time, Jedi_ Knight_ Shan." The emphasis on the newly acquired title made a sharp flush cover Bastila's cheek.

Bastila gritted her teeth. _Would you stop calling me that?_ "Master Zhar, Revan and I have a reservation for lunch soon, I'm afraid we must be brief."

_Calling you what? You know you like it!_

Master Zhar smiled and bowed. "Of course, Bastila." He turned towards Revan, "It was good seeing you again. You may consider Vrook's sharp tongue as a request for your return… we could use another Knight."

_It is embarrassing the way you say it._

_It is not._ "I'm afraid I won't be able to take on any Padawans now, or in the near future. I'll let you know if that changes, Master Zhar," she looked down at her hands. "It was good to see you too."

He raised his chin and nodded walking through the archives door. Revan let out a dramatic sigh.

_It is too._

"Oh, it is not, Bast'. And do you really want to have a stupid," _Is not, is too, fight?_

Bastila frowned. "No."

"But I am right."

"You're incorrigible that's what you are…" Bastila sighed and Revan noticed she took careful care in smoothing out her new knight's robes. "Let us not miss our reservation."

_After you, Princess._

Bastila's posture stiffened as they walked. "Very funny."

-

Saying that Revan felt mildly uncomfortable at the high Coruscanti restaurant 'Laahd Koojx' was the understatement of the millennia. She fumbled with her napkin and crinkled her nose each time the snotty human waiter would come by and ask her if she wanted a drink refill.

Bastila seemed perfectly at peace here. Revan sighed. _Of course she would._

_What?_ Bastila perked up and stopped her one-sided conversation about how she was enjoying teaching remedial battle meditation to some of the younger Padawans and Apprentices.

"Nothing," Revan clipped.

_It if was nothing, why did you _accidentally_ let it slip?_

Revan glared at her friend from across the table. "Maybe because you're invading my mind subconsciously?"

"Don't be absurd, Revan," she sipped at her wine, holding the goblet like some Alderaanian queen. "I did no such thing."

Revan turned her gaze towards the window that had a very expensive holo that would play the scenery of the buyer's choice. Their table's window was set on Dantooine pastures and the sight of them made her faintly ill. Bastila sighed and attempted to change the subject. "Have you been here before? You seemed to know the waiter."

Revan shrugged. "Yeah, Malak took me a few times – trying to impress me I guess, nothing really impresses a Deralian farm girl more than fancy cutlery and snooty dinner staff," she rolled her eyes. _He was always such a plebe. _

Bastila dropped the utensil that could only be described as 'eating scissors.' It fell with a clunk on the table, just barely missing her plate. The Knight leaned forward, her eyes wide. "How long…?"

Revan leaned back on her chair and shrugged. "About eight months… I don't – I mean I think it's everything, but I'm not really sure." She rubbed her temples. "Did you know they would – I mean did you know they could come back?"

Bastila shook her head. _You were in such a state at the time there was nothing we could-_

"Discern for sure… yes, I know."

The younger woman rolled her shoulders back and bit down on the left side of her mouth. "Have you told anyone?"

"Carth."

"Oh…" Bastila picked up her napkin and carefully tapped at the corners of her mouth. _I knew something was different about you – I had suspected for quite some time, but I was not certain with you at such a distance._

"You mean shacking up with Carth?"

Bastila frowned. "You don't always have to make a joke."

Revan arched an eyebrow, "How little you know me…"

_Well? _ Bastila was hanging on to this new discovery as if it was the last crème doon on the plate and she had been starving for months. _Have you learned anything about-_

_When I was Dark Lord of the Sith? You really want to take that trip down memory road, Bastie? _

Her words had cut Bastila, who leaned back in her chair and folded her hands on her lap with a frown. Revan sighed. "I – I remembered something big."

Bastila's eyes lit up. Apparently teaching Padawans and Apprentices had not been as fulfilling as Bastila had made it out to be.

_Was it about the Star Forge… Ma- I was not privy to _his _plans._

She had not even noticed it before, but now the fact that Bastila could not even bring herself to think Malak's name cut Revan deeply. "No, it doesn't have anything to do with that." _Well, maybe a little._

_How little?_

_Okay, maybe a lot._

Bastila frowned. "Revan…"

"Don't say my name in that voice… I get enough of that from Carth," her voice sobered and she looked down. "Look, I remembered something that, well…" _There's a greater danger than we know._

_You can't think the Mandalorians are going to attack again? _

Revan snorted at the thought. "I'm sure Canderous would love that…" she grinned wryly and thought of the Mandalorian now sitting at the trade spot on Tantooine, scaring off all the other bounty and regular hunters. "But no, not them. It's complicated."

"How complicated?" Bastila's tone was wary.

_Very complicated. _Revan let out a loose breath of air. _There is a greater threat – I know it has something to do with the ancient Sith teachings I learned as a Padawan and a rogue Knight. I discovered something possibly more threatening than the Star Forge._

"What may I ask is more threatening than," _the Star Forge?_

Revan rubbed her temples. _Maybe the big baddies that gave the Rakata the idea in the first place? Ancient Sith technology… before Freedon Nadd and Ajunta Pall, before Exar and Ulic, before it all._

"What is before that?" Bastila frowned; Revan could sense how uneasy she was at this conversation.

"I don't know, I had a load of permecrete on my back and a piece of shrapnel sticking out of my brain before I could figure that out," her voice had gained an even sharper edge of bitterness since the last time she said something to the same effect.

"So you are going to find out now?" Bastila arched an eyebrow. _Is that why you came without Carth? I thought your message said you needed a vacation from his paranoia._

"Bad joke I guess and yes, I'm going to be taking a very uncomfortable and hopefully very short… vacation to find out and, if need be, exterminate this threat."

Bastila nodded. "I understand why you left Carth behind, he would be a veritable distraction with your," she murmured, still uncomfortable and wrapped in her sheltered Jedi life, "relationship. He would prove to be a radical variable that you could not afford."

Revan nodded slowly. "I was just going with 'I don't want him dead,' but yeah you're right…" she sighed.

Bastila folded her napkin on the side of the table and arranged her plate carefully. "So when do you propose we leave?"

Revan was, for once, speechless. Her mouth hung open a little.

Bastila's eyes narrowed. _You weren't thinking of going on this venture alone, were you? You can't save the galaxy by yourself, Revan. You require help._

Revan flinched. "Remember what you said about distractions…?"

Bastila slammed her hands on the table. _How can you underestimate me after all we have been through?_ She stood and shook her head.

_There's a great darkness there Bastila… I don't know if I can keep myself from getting sucked in, let alone watch out for you. The bond is-_

"Fine," Bastila gathered her things and pushed the chair back. "Keep well Revan… you will need your strength."

She threw back her head and spun around on her heel out the long hallway and out the door. Revan groaned. "That didn't go well…"

The waiter came by with a sickly polite grin and placed down the bill. Revan stared at the datapad in disbelief. "Fracking nutcase stiffed me with the check."

"Lovers spat?" he offered without a grin, but she could feel the man's distaste and snobbery.

Revan glared at him and got out the small supply of credits she still had to her name. "Oh, shut up."

-

Revan covered her face with her hand as the sun began to set into her vision. "Let's call this goodbye part two… as in don't screw it up this time," she muttered to herself.

She couldn't help but smile a little as the blue Twi'lek, dressed in the button-down uniform of the elite Coruscanti school Carth and Revan had sent her to, increased her speed when she saw Revan.

Revan leaned back and pulled open for a hug. She was expecting a normal one, but Mission apparently decided to make a running leap into her arms and Revan had to counterbalance her weight to keep from toppling over. "Woah, easy there, kid."

Mission's lekku curled protectively around Revan's neck, in a gesture so touching that her heart clenched. She spun the fifteen year old around causing her uniform skirt to float up and around with the motion. They both ignored the odd looks from passersby. She set the blue Twi'lek down and looked her over head-to-toe.

"What you're going to let that _kid _remark pass? Are you sick?" She emphasized the comment by putting the back of her hand to the girl's forehead.

Mission giggled and brushed her off. "Where's the geezer?"

Revan scratched the back of her neck. "Carth's at… h- he's onTelos. I'm taking a little trip by myself."

Mission stared at Revan and her lekku made a gesture of disbelief. "I thought you two were attached at the hip? I mean the displays after the Star Forge alone were-"

Revan cut the Twi'lek off with a glare. Her cheeks began to feel incredibly heated. "Carth is – uh, well he needs to spend some time with his son."

Mission made a face. "Oh, ew. Dustil – gross, no wonder you left. I know he's Carth's son and all, but what a piece of bantha-poodoo."

"Yeah… he's not exactly a walk in the park. But enough about Carth and the spawn, how is school?" Revan was surprised at how quickly that wide smile on Mission's face dropped. Her lekku twitched agitatedly. "That good, huh?"

Mission bit her lip and started to walk backwards as Revan followed her. "It's not that I don't appreciate it – it's just-"

"Just what?" The school had cost all of Revan's leftover savings from her extremely short career as a scout, plus Carth's commission. She thought it was worth it to give Mission a chance at a good education and a shot at something besides becoming another dancer girl like every other Twi'lek. Now that Revan thought about it, the elite Coruscanti school didn't have very many Twi'lek students in their ranks. "Have you made any friends?"

Mission shrugged. "I'm the only nonhuman in my grade, what'd you think? None of the other nonhumans will even talk to me because I'm younger than them," she crinkled her nose in annoyance. "Imagine getting turned down by a Bothan for lunch? A Bothan! What do I have some gross fungus growing on me or something? Sheesh."

Revan couldn't help but smile. "It'll get better, you should just stick it out a little longer."

"I hate it!" she proclaimed balling her hands into fists. "You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone." Revan arched an eyebrow at the girl. "Well, you know, without deserving it."

Revan let out a sharp laugh and pulled Mission beside her. "Stop walking like that! You're messing me up," she wrapped a hand around Mission's shoulders. "It's a really good school – it took me a while to make friends when I first went to school."

"Yeah, right," Mission scoffed.

Revan nodded thoughtfully, "No, it did. I was a total outcast when I first came to Coruscant – just a farm girl from Deralia who said too much and kept her nose stuck in datapads."

"But, I already _have_ you – why do I need to make any more friends?" Mission's infallible logic hit home and Revan sighed remembering when she was fifteen.

"I need you to stick it out for a while, Mish' look if it doesn't work out you can go back and stay with Carth, okay?"

"Hold on, what do you mean 'Carth'? What about you?" Mission turned to look at her. "Did you two break up or something?"

Revan's grip on Mission's shouldered tightened a little. "I'm taking a little trip by myself," she repeated.

Mission's face was not one of disappointment or irritation like Revan had expected, but instead the girl's head tails curled up and her face lit up with a grin. "Oh really? We're going on a trip! Oh, I knew all that school talk was just ronto-crap – so we're like going to travel the galaxy and do something! That's so great! I'm so glad you're busting me out of here."

Revan flinched. _Oh boy_. "Uh… Mission."

Mission kept going on. "I'll have to get some new gear and of course we'll _have_ to go see Big Z. I haven't seen him in months – oh I can't wait to get out of here. Shame about Carth, but you and me were a better team anyway. Plus I still remember some of my piloting lessons I could… uh take over when you're sleeping and we'd have more room on the ship. Oh it's going to be-"

"I'm going, Mission. Not you, not Carth, not Bastila, not anyone but me," Revan didn't realize how harsh her voice sounded until she saw the pained expression on the teen's face. She winced, "Mission- I-"

Mission's mouth went to a thin line. "Fine! Who needs you anyway?"

She quickly slipped out of Revan's arms and stormed forward. Revan swore under her breath and trotted after her. After about twenty minutes of chasing Mission and getting extremely odd looks because of it, Revan realized that the young girl must have been a champion athlete on Taris. She also realized that she was incredibly out of shape. Revan was about to use a little extra Force to speed up, when Mission stopped suddenly. She looked up and saw that they were in front of the dormitories.

"Mission…"

Mission turned around. "I'm not a kid! You think that babies came after us? No, they were Sith. Big badies, remember? And I was there with the rest of you. I even had to hold down the ship when we went on the Star Forge. Don't you remember? Or do you have amnesia again?"

"Oh, very funny."

Mission looked down. "It's not a joke –" Revan's heart clenched at her as she heard a sniff from Mission and the girl deftly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "You can't – you can't leave me like Griff did. You just can't."

"Mission," Revan frowned and drew the Twi'lek into a hug. "I am not Griff and I would never do that to you but, it's not safe where I'm going. If – if I didn't have to go I wouldn't."

The little girl that had found Revan on Taris sniffed loudly into her shoulder. "Why don't you stay then?"

Revan rested her head on Mission's. "Because I want to stay – and usually what I want is bad for everyone. I just have to fix some stuff and then I'll be back, I promise and I'm not leaving you alone. You have Carth, Bastila's here, Zaalbar will always look out for you and I'm sure Jolee and Juhani would –"

Mission stopped her by placing one of her lekku behind her in a defensive position. "They're not you."

"I know… lucky them," she joked.

"S'not funny."

Revan laughed quietly. "Yeah, I know." She held the girl who managed to be ten times stronger than her at every opportunity and never once turned her back on her until Mission finally let go. Revan put her hands on Mission's arms. "Stay safe, okay? Just try out this school thing a little longer, if you don't like it then ditch it – it'll be okay."

"You promise you'll fix everything?" Mission asked her eyes still filled with the unwavering hope of childhood.

"I promise," Revan lied. She'd try her hardest, but telling the Twi'lek she would most likely not be coming back was not the best idea.

Revan felt like dirt. She was worse than Griff; she'd given Mission hope again.

-

Revan heaved the last of the supplies she'd picked up on Coruscant onto the _Hawk_ and came out to pay off the landing fee. She did not see the stout dockmaster, but instead the calm face of her bond partner holding a package in her arms.

"I thought you were going to ignore me forever…"

Bastila sniffed disdainfully. "Well then you were wrong, weren't you?" She ran her tongue quickly over her lips, "Honestly, Revan – if you leaving me for some daft escapade was enough to break our friendship, than it would have been done along time ago."

Revan smiled quietly. "Friendship?"

"Oh, don't start that," Bastila sighed and looked down at the package. "I understand that you must do this alone, even if I don't agree I understand. It is something you must do. You have to face your self and the mistakes of your past. No one can travel that road with you. You're – you're like a sister to me Revan, so be careful out there."

Revan paused for a moment. "I will."

_Good, and thank you for saying that, if you had have said 'Aren't I always,' like you were thinking I would have thrown this at you._

"You don't know that," she couldn't help but smile.

Bastila surprised her by quickly pulling her into a hug and then releasing her just as fast. Her face was a bit flushed. "Well, I would like to let you know that Jolee is currently on Kashyyyk, since you seem to be making rounds."

"I'll go there next. I need to talk to Zaalbar anyway."

"Yes, well, there is one other thing," she placed the package in Revan's hands. "The Qel-Droma robes you found on Korriban – I had them patched up for you, they will be useful for the darkness you are going to encounter."

Revan smiled and fingered the robes carefully. She had worn an old relic that claimed to be Exar Kun's armor for most of their crazy trip, but when she had found out the truth about herself it didn't seem as funny anymore. She could feel the aura of all the Qel-Dromas that had worn these robes before – Duron's mark was still strong.

"Thanks, Bast. I'm going to miss you – even if you do drive me nuts."

Bastila smiled and waved her off. "Go on, Revan – if this is what steps you must take then take them wisely."

"That doesn't even make sense, but I'll keep it mind."

Bastila sighed exasperatedly. "Just go already."

Revan grinned and gave one last wave to Bastila as she boarded the ship. _I'm going to miss that crazy broad. _

_I heard that._

Revan smiled. "Yeah, definitely going to miss her." She punched in the hyperspace coordinates for Kashyyyk and engaged the engines. Another step on this journey and another goodbye.

-

Her legs were curled underneath a stack of datapads, a few of the more ancient paper books, and three red pens. It was a completely perfect vantage point for the eight-year old girl. She could see over the entire library without being noticed. A small tilt of her head and she noticed one of the girls from her basic classes, Jene.

Jene was from Onderon. Onderon had a feudal monarchy and was only recently made a member of the Republic following the Beast Wars of Onderon. King Valis currently reigned and, because it was a non-patriarchal society his daughter Princess Talia would take the rule when she was older.

Revan tried to quietly sound out 'patriarchal' on her tongue and commit the word to memory. Next to the young girl, one of the volunteers of the archives, Atris, was sorting shelves. Atris was the most likely candidate to become Mistress of the Archives when she reached her masterhood. Masterhood took many years to achieve. Masters were appointed from exemplary service in whatever duty that the Jedi committed him or herself to, through training of one or more Padawans, with the completion of a phenomenal task and years of experience, or by simply being placed on the council in times of trouble.

Revan scribbled a few notes on her datapad to look up examples of each of these instances. She glanced up to where another student in her class had himself poised above Atris and Jene with heavy artillery of holocubes at his disposal, Talvon Esan. Talvon liked to make jokes in class when he didn't know the answer. He had the most talent in their medical class, which is where he would make the least amount of jokes. Modern medical practices developed over the Exar Kun war, when kolto supply was sorely needed. New techniques were being developed every day with the help of the Jedi Knights proficient in that area.

Revan silently sounded out proficient on her tongue and pressed it through the gap in her teeth she had been attempting to hide for the past week. There were no medical practices used by the Jedi that would correct a missing tooth. That was what Master Vrook had told her when she asked. He'd also said that in time it would grow back on it's own, but Revan didn't want to wait. She knew better than to ask him, but she had already searched four rows of holocubes and ten stacks of datapads looking for that particular procedure.

She shuffled through a few more datapads and wrote down notes on speeding up regenerative properties in humans. So far nothing on teeth.

"Regenerative…" Revan said quietly, but her tongue slipped through the gap and it sounded more like 'rethenrathive.'

The boy that had been lurking around the medical section earlier turned to look at her. He shook his head and turned back to sorting through the section. Revan eyed him slyly out her peripheral vision. He was in a few of her lessons as well, Malak. Malak was big for his age, which had nothing to do with the fact that he was from Alderaan. She had tried to look up glandular problems when she first saw him, but was slightly grossed out after the first few datapads.

He was quiet in lessons unless he was called on, then he stood, answered, and sat back down. He didn't like to associate with the rest of the Padawans their age, but neither did she. She sighed deeply knowing that was completely untrue. No one wanted to spend time with her if she admitted the truth to herself. The loud series of sighs caused Malak to turn and give her another odd look.

She frowned at him and turned towards the balustrade as a holomorphic rancor beast was chasing Jene around the lower levels of the archives. Atris was trying to catch the young girl, who was turning things over in her fright. The Master of the archives was coming down and Atris was frantically gesturing at a couple of Knights that Revan identified as Vin and Kavar, the latter of which who was stifling laughter. That is until Jene's flight of terror ran directly into Kavar's chair and he landed on his back. Vin lifted himself up and shook his head at his friend.

Revan leaned closer and moved a few datapads out of her way. Atris and Kavar set to trying to catch the young scared Apprentice, while Vin was scanning the floor for the source of her fear. Vin snatched up the holocube and turned it off, just as Atris and Kavar caught up with the young girl. It came to a very anticlimactic conclusion as the culprit; Talvon could be heard laughing up on one of the upper levels. Atris' eye twitched as she rounded to catch him.

Revan's attention was drawn from the spectacle as she heard shuffling directly behind her. Malak had come over and was sorting through her datapads. She snapped her head around and glared at him.

"What are you doing?" she hissed keeping her lips carefully over her teeth.

He looked slightly surprised but not at all apologetic. He held up the datapad she was currently looking at. "I was looking for this all day."

Her irritation at being interrupted was forgotten as she noticed something off about him. She grinned a partially toothed grin, "I couldn't find anything about it either."

Malak grinned sheepishly back and she could see the two front teeth he was missing all the more clearly.


	4. chapter 3

**Foresight  
**_Chapter 3_  
****

Spar left. Parry right. Smooth movements. Increase the flow of your muscles. Master Kavar said her left foot was her strongest. Master Zhar said her right. Revan tried out both of them and couldn't help thinking they were both wrong as the vibroblade came at her again. She darted back, hesitant to use any of the Force to increase her steps. This was a show of blades and will – not who could control all around them.

"Very good, Padawans. Feel the Force, but do not use it – let it flow through you," her new Master's voice was reassuring, but he was Malak's Master first.

Malak's blade came at her again and she had to dodge quickly to not be impaled by it. Her breathing was focused. _Shin'jiar movement._ Malak countered her and she flew back with a hard jerk. She regained her balance and steadied her feet. She quickly moved in and out of his range. _Jal-toran movement._ Malak countered her and she almost tripped over her feet. She gritted her teeth and threw the blade back and forth between her hands. Malak knew all the movements, he had studied every form and pose that was known – it was one of the things they had in common, but Malak had always been better at actually executing the moves.

It did help that her friend had half a foot on her and had twice as much muscle mass. _Size does not matter, Padawan._ Master Vandar had once said that to her. Of course the two foot green Master, would have to think that way. Revan was feeling very at odds with herself at the moment. She dodged Malak's attack and held her blade in a defensive position. He was using _Fok-Lor movement_, which was next in the progressional holo of warrior arts. Revan felt like a light source activated in her mind – Malak was using all the attacks from the datapads that were held in the archives. He was using all the combination movements prescribed as well.

Revan ran her tongue over her lips and pulled back quickly before darting in towards him. She made a combination of three moves that she was sure wasn't in any of the texts and Malak was caught off guard. She balanced her posture on her right foot while slamming the butt of the blade into Malak's chest. He had a look of complete surprise as he fell backwards towards the ground and she had to force herself to point the blade at his chin.

Her breathing was quick and she was wild eyed as she looked down.

Zhar's voice broke though with, "That's enough for today," he smiled, "Very good Revan – I see you've been practicing."

She brought the vibroblade back to her side and nodded carefully, still in complete shock. She had just beaten Malak… at sparring. It still wasn't correctly processing in her mind. The shock still didn't wear off as Malak's leg came out with an angry grunt knocking her onto the floor. He got up and threw the vibroblade down before storming out of the practice room.

Zhar shook his head as he left. "Malak's temper is like a Hothan Volcano. Dormant and is hard to rise, but once it does it just flows over until it plays itself out."

Revan nodded slowly. "Uh-huh." She lifted herself to her feet and still tried to process all that had just happened.

"Are you alright, Padawan?" Zhar asked. His lips twitched as if they were trying to smirk but could not fully extend.

She nodded again, feeling her brain start to respond. "Should I go after him?"

Zhar's lekku twitched. "No, young one. Give him time to cool off."

She let her gaze travel to her hands. The hands that had beaten Malak – top student on Dantooine. She was now in every way, stronger than him, smarter than him, better than him. She tried to squelch the thoughts and hide them, but she thrilled in the knowledge of it. But pride was as bad as jealousy and tried to calm down her enthusiasm as her Master turned to her. Sometimes she missed Kae's soft eyes and quiet smile and other times that thought felt traitorous. "I didn't mean to hurt his pride."

Her master laughed and his lekku moved in response, one curling around his shoulder. "No, you did Revan – and it was a good lesson for him. Also a good lesson for you as you have finally overcome your belief that he will always win."

She smiled slightly. "Well he's twice my size."

Zhar smiled, "Size matters not, as the old saying goes – and as you obviously learned." There was some murmuring outside and Zhar's headtails tensed. "Excuse me for a moment, Revan."

Four seconds after he was out the door Revan started to move around in bastardized version of the Deralian victory dance. She swiveled her hips around and moved her shoulders, waving her hands above her head. She shot back to a normal standing position as Zhar came back in, one of his eye ridges raised carefully. She grinned at him as if nothing had happened. "What was the disturbance?" Revan asked with a completely innocent expression.

Zhar's headtails twitched. "Malak is outside, he wanted to spar with the wall – as many young male Padawans his age often do."

Revan shook her head. "Should I go talk to him?"

Zhar nodded. "It may be best that you do, Padawan."

She walked around the corner to where he was staring at the wall as if it had aggrieved him. "Mal?" she approached him cautiously, trying not to show her utter glee when the source was the reason his knuckles were bleeding. "Why do boys always hit things?" she wondered aloud.

"It lets us vent," he said stiffly.

Revan titled her head to the side. "No Alderaanian poetry?"

Malak snorted. "Don't make me laugh."

Revan ignored him and continued to press. "Come on – you could totally vent through the magic of 200 verse soliloquies." She coughed into her fist. "I'll start you off – Her eyes were blue as lakes. Some might say they were fakes. His hearts desire was to set them on fire, but then her vision would bake."

Malak shook his head with a laugh. "That is the worst poem I have ever heard – Alderaanian stanzas don't rhyme and they are always in Alderaanian."

Revan hedged closer and carefully took his hand. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly as she knitted the broken skin back together. "See, I'm not good at everything."

She opened her eyes to find an unreadable expression on his face.

"You are Revan. And I shouldn't complain," he said softly.

She shifted, awkward. "Do you want to come back? We could fix up our sabers or something."

He shook his head. "No, I think I'll – meditate."

She bit her lip as he walked away, thinking there was something else she could have said. "And what would that be, Revan? Oh, suck it up, Mal you big baby?" she grumbled to herself.

"It seems to be a good thing that you didn't say that, Padawan," Zhar's smooth voice came from behind her and she jolted in surprise.

Revan turned towards him. The ridges above his eyes curved in amusement. "You heard that?"

Zhar nodded and his headtails twitched. "Revan, sometimes it is better to keep your mouth closed and your ears open."

"I would say that sometimes it's better to plug your ears and talk really loud – like if Master Vrook tried to sing – but I'll just keep it to myself." she said with a grin.

-

Her legs were stiffly pressed against the dash. There was plenty of room on the ship, but with her current state of landing she'd had to practically throw herself onto the controls to keep it up.

"I thought you were going to keep it steady?" Revan barked at the inauspicious droid.

T3 let out a series of sharp beeps.

"Don't give me that lip. I may not be the best pilot, but I sure as hell paid for you - so you'd better get your tin ass into action."

T3-M4 made a few auspicious sounding noises.

"What do you _mean_ you don't have an ass?"

The droid beeped a few high-pitched noises at her.

Revan growled something deep and low in her throat. "Just shut up you stupid-" There was a barrage of static on the communications frequency that interrupted Revan's tirade. She quickly tried to adjust it to get a good reading. "Help me, you overrated footrest!" After a frenzied attempt the static turned into barely coherent growling. "HK!" she barked. "Translate! I can barely make it out."

The red toned droid stepped forward. "Observation: Master, my skills are far more suited to taking up armament and-"

"I said translate."

If a droid could indignantly huff, HK-47 did. He waited a moment, listening to the garbled growling. "Translation: Identify yourselves."

"Tell them we're the _Ebon Hawk_ and request landing," she held up her hand. "Wait- Tell them EXACTLY that, HK, none of that loose translation you like."

"Statement: I only do what you order me to do, Master. When I am fortunate it involves bloody mangle-"

"Just do it."

A stream of Shyriiwook left HK's vocal nodes and Revan could only grab bits and pieces of what he was saying. A matching stream of static filled wookiee language growled through the comm.

HK whirled around. "Translation: The furry meatbags have granted landing privileges. That is, if you do not crash into them and cause irreparable damage."

Revan arched an eyebrow and shifted in the pilot's seat. "That had better not be a suggestion, HK."

"Supplication: Of course not, Master. If you died in a fiery burning crash of epic proportions, the amount of carnage you could ensue would be sadly diminished. Correlation: And I would have to wipe my memories and lose all of the valuable information that is stored in my central processor. Memories, holobanks, torture sessions-"

Revan held up her hand. "I get the picture. Force-" She shook her head. "T3 take us down."

The little droid beeped an affirmative.

-

Landing was difficult enough without having three bowcasters aimed at her head the minute she stepped off the docking ramp. Revan held her hands up amicably and tried to calmly explain herself, before HK decided she was in danger and did something terrible. "Look - I told you when I landed, I'm Revan. Remember? The female that helped free you guys from Czerka? Always welcome?"

One of the wookiees grinned ferally. "You speak the language of slavers - we do not respond to that."

Revan shook her head. "What do you want me to do? You can't handle speaking basic, I can't handle speaking Shyriiwook, so I'd say we were pretty much even!"

The bowcasters moved closer to her face. "We don't speak the tongue of the enslaver!"

Revan groaned. "Fine!" She coughed loudly and mangled her vocal chords. "Name is timing. I have no bad. Zaalben knows her."

"What is your name, slave species? We know only of one kin from the otherlands."

"Revan," she choked out. "Frackdammit that is hard to say in anything but basic."

"None such as Revan have ever landed here."

Revan flinched. She knew what they were looking for, she even knew how to say it in their language - she just didn't want to. It was one thing to have a nick name, maybe an alias, but having a name that was shoved off on her, didn't stand for anything she was - it made it impossible for her to use it. It was worse than a swear on her tongue now. "Ariate Talke." She said finally. "Now get out of my way and take me to Zaalbar, before I show you what Revan is really like and get HK-47 to _translate_."

Wookiee laughter. She knew and hated that sound - it always meant a very bad joke. Zaalbar appeared from the boughs of an extensive tree branch. "It is good to see you, honorbound."

"Mission warned you I was coming?" Revan thought of the many ways she could badly maim and kill that Twi'lek when she got back. Though on some level she knew she was going to miss having reasons to be mad at the young girl.

"She told us of your arrival through the communications system a few hours before." Zaalbar growled. The other attendants had stepped back a bit.

"Obnoxious little snot," Revan smiled. "Any other surprises in store for me, Zaal?"

He shook his head. Revan noticed there was a long sash across his chest, she could not make out the symbols that clearly (speaking ancient dialect had always been easier than reading it), but it seemed to denote his importance. She had heard that he was taking on new responsibility, but the full force of the fact that her humble friend was a leader of his people really hit her.

He was everything a leader should be. Wise, calm and honorable - some part of her wanted to add tactical, decisive, and sacrificing. She hated that part of her - mostly because she agreed with it.

"She told me that you were coming. That you would claim that the life debt was invalid. And I can tell you now, I will not listen, Ariate Talke. I made that vow and you cannot break it."

"You made it to 'Ariate Talke' not Revan. I'm not 'Ariate' I have never really been 'Ariate.' That woman you knew was just a ghost in a shell – I am Revan." She folded her arms stubbornly in front of her. Part of her was a little proud of Mission for being so underhanded and guessing her intentions. Another part of her wanted to march back to Coruscant and smack the Twi'lek upside the headtails.

"Names are meaningless-"

"Really, Z," she interrupted. "Names mean a lot. Names define you – I didn't become dark lord of the Sith with the name 'SparklyPrincessHessi.' You can't make assumptions like that. You made that debt to the wrong name, which by definition binds you to a person who doesn't exist. You also made it to a fantasy of the Jedi Council."

"You were always good with words. And stubborn. We shall speak more on this in the later hours. The hairless one waits in the shadowlands for your arrival."

"Son of a-" Revan clenched her fists. "Why, of all the planets does that man have to pick this one?" She smiled carefully. "No offense, Zaal."

He made no indication that he was offended, or paying attention to her. "The lift has been prepared for you and Rasskodk will take you down – when you come back up will feast with brethren and speak of things."

Revan grunted. "Sure, sure."

HK made a buzzing noise alerting that he was next to her (the last time he had surprised her she had, to his approval, threatened to tear out his rotary wires and strap him to the roof). "Query: Does this expenditure require heavy armament and the use of my new carbon attachment?"

"Kill. Every. Kinrath. You. See." Revan said evenly as her skin began to crawl.

HK's photoreceptors lit up. "Statement: Your thirst for bloodshed, delights me so, Master."

"One of those furry little creeps gets within four feet of me and I'm going to forget that I follow the light and using some lightning to fry his fracking ass."

"Statement: My first trip to Kashyyyk is sure to delight my wiring, Master."

-

Revan kept her body completely still in the center of the lift to the shadowlands. She also made HK keep on strict alert to shoot anything that moved while they were heading down. Irrational fear – conquering it had been one of her knight trials. One that she almost failed. Pushing through the fear once did not cure the fear - it just delayed the reaction, unfortunately.

And she really, really, really, hated Kinrath spiders.

Rasskodk did not look amused. "I shall await your return," he growled stiffly.

Revan waved him off. "Sure thing, knowing the old fart this could take years so don't expect us back soon." She gestured for HK to follow her. "Come on, rustbucket - keep alert. And no shooting Tachs."

"Objection: But their hyperactive jumping sets my processors to a slow boil. Conjecture: Surely, my Master would not be against some well placed target practice?"

"Your master would not be against you shutting your metal trap and keeping alert to the wildlife."

"Who's there?" A sharp brittle voice broke through Revan's reaming. She instantly brought out and activated her lightsabers and HK was alert with his carbine aimed at the person's head. The person was a young man with lightsabers and a deep scowl. "Name yourself!"

"Supplication: If he moves, according to your instructi-"

"No," she interrupted before he started to destroy everything near them. "Who are you, kid?"

"I asked first!" he glared at HK and then back to her, eyeing her lightsabers warily.

Green and violet, they were green and violet last time she was here. Green, the color of a Jedi Councilor, Dorak had been so proud of her fake personality. Shortly after realizing she wasn't a scout with any allegiance to the Republic or the darkside and all the other bantha spit they'd placed in her brain, she had decided to fall back on more familiar colors. Now they were violet and red. She deactivated her red one and stepped forward. Intimidating the kid wasn't her goal… yet. "I'm Revan and the blaster carbine in your face is HK-47 who has not killed his quota lately, so if you'd kindly tell me who the phoq you are, I can have him back up."

He sneered at her. "Yeah, right like I really believe you're Revan."

She rolled her eyes. "No, I'm Nomi Sunrider - give me a break here."

Something in his eyes flashed when she said that name. "Oron Qel-Droma," he said glaring at her more as he took in her attire, "You're wearing my robes."

"Technically these were Duron's and if you don't believe I'm Revan - I'm not going to believe you're a Qel-Droma." She knew he was a Qel-Droma the moment she looked at him. It was harder to sense him in the deepness of the shadowlands, but readings on Duron, Ulic, and Cay, looking at holovids and it was plain to see the similarities. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to let some brat off the hook that easily.

There was shuffling and some swearing from behind Oron. There was some rustling in the bushes and another familiar voice broke through. "What's all this racket about?"

Revan couldn't help but grin. She had really missed that old annoying voice. "You really have to work on your greeting system, old man."

Jolee stepped out of the bushes; flanked by a Zabrak girl that looked around Oron's age - but her demeanor was much friendlier. "Are you Ariate Talke?"

Revan glared at Jolee. "No. I am most definitely not."

Oron scoffed. "She claims she's Revan."

The Zabrak's eyes went wide, and her expression was that of someone reviewing archive files in their mind. Revan had seen that before on her own face. "You're Revan." She sounded star struck. Revan swore to herself.

"Yes. Me is Revan. Revan is me. Are we clear now?" she shook her head.

"You are ornery, aren't still afraid of those -"

"No," she cut him off. "No, I am not and drop it you old -"

"Don't interrupt me, missy. Don't think just because you've got your memories back you've earned the right to treat me like a corpse. I'm still alive and I'm this old so I get to complain. You'll listen to my whole ramblings and like it, dammit."

Revan eyed him. "How did you know that I-"

"Lucky guess, that and you're roaring with the Force more than the last time I saw you - the kid may have spilled it as well."

"Why is everyone tattling on me?" she said with an exasperated sigh.

"Master Bindo?" The Zabrak Padawan looked wide eyed, but Revan could tell after a few months with Jolee she was beginning to wizen up, there was the faintest hint of a knowing smile. "I thought you said to expect Ariate Talke?"

Jolee scoffed. "No, I said the wookiees would be expecting an Ariate Talke – I never said that was her name."

The Qel-Droma glared in every direction. 'Arrogant Cuss' came to mind – as did familiar. "Revan was coming to Kashyyyk and it slipped your mind? I don't care how senile you claim to be – that is impossible."

The Zabrak put her arm lightly on his. "Calm down, Oron."

He shrugged her off, "Back off Lydie." He sneered at Revan, "Anything here for you Revan? Did you come for the scenery or the weather?"

"Well he's just a piss in the pants isn't he?"

The Zabrak looked almost scandalized, Revan thought she didn't get out much. Oron was glaring harder, but Jolee just laughed. "How I would have missed your pleasant disposition if I could remember it."

"How did you know I was coming, old man?"

"The kid commed me." The kid could be anyone from Mission to Bastila when Jolee said it. Revan decided she was better off not knowing. "Said you were making rounds and to keep an eye open. Feh, young ones these days under estimating my eye sight."

Revan rolled her eyes. "Look, could we take this love fest somewhere else? You know somewhere without the lovely pungent odor that the shadowlands possess?"

Jolee shook his head. "Fine, be impatient – we'll walk to my cabin if you still know the way, but with your attention span. Can't stand still for a minute, one moment to the next, kids these days-"

Revan grunted and followed the old man as he headed to his old cabin; she tuned out his ranting.

"She's afraid of some of the wildlife," Lydie whispered behind her, "I think it's the Tach."

"Who's scared of a Tach?" Oron scoffed.

Revan turned and scowled at him. "There are a lot worse things to be afraid of down here than the Tach."

"Like what?" Oron scowled back at her.

Revan flashed her teeth. "Me."

If she had been focusing on walking instead of glaring at someone half her age, she might have noticed the elongated limbs that called themselves a spider. She jolted and grasped her chest with a sharp gasp as the kinrath spider became green slime near her feet. HK-47 stood near her, holding his blaster carbine at attention. "Thanks," she muttered, trying to ignore the muffled giggles behind her.

"Extrapolation: Master, I only did what you ordered. If you would vary your orders there are also-"

"No," she said tiredly.

A sharp laugh came from behind her. "I guess the Dark Lord of the Sith pales in comparison to the ferocity of a forest bug."

Sometimes she really had to remind herself why she was serving the way of the light.

-

The tea tasted the same. It always did. It had tasted the same when she had thought she was having it for the first time- when Ariate Talke had sipped at it with inane curiosity, while trying to look casual as Carth once again tried to apologize for being a jerk on Dantooine. It had tasted the same as when Malak had carefully rolled his eyes and looked for threats, while she had talked the old man into showing her where a source of power was.

Everyone was a tool to be used.

She sipped a bit of the bitter bark tea and Jolee continued. "And that was how I was wrangled down with these two here. Lydie's Master recently joined the Force," he shook his head, the girl was sitting reading with Oron over on the other side of the Cabin. "Not that the old man was that good of a teacher to begin with, couldn't get his old bones moving to train her in anything."

Revan's lip quirked and she arched an eyebrow.

Jolee glared. "Don't you dare, lass. Keep your mouth shut."

"I didn't say anything. I'm just drinking tea," she smiled as she sipped a bit more. "So the obnoxious kid really is a Qel-Droma?"

Jolee nodded, "A dying breed, unfortunately. The ones left aren't too keen on giving their brats over to the order. Can't say I blame them after what happened to Ulic and Cay," there was a seriousness in Jolee's eyes when he spoke about Ulic or Exar.

Revan decided not to touch on it. "And Duron."

"And Duron – nice robes, by the way. I thought you refused to wear them after the Leviathan, said they made your ass look big or some young thing."

Revan rolled her eyes. "I didn't say-" She sighed. "The personality that the council had tried shoving on me, was not very happy with well… being me."

"And you are happy?"

She shrugged. "Who is?"

He grunted. "Did I ever tell you the story-"

"Oh, come on, Jolee," she groaned throwing her head back. "I didn't come to hear you ramble on about another story."

Jolee frowned and put his cup down. "Well then you sure as hell shouldn't have come in the first place, dammit. You travel all the way down here, you're asking for a story – and I am feeding you right now so you're going to just sit still and listen to me talk. When you're my age then you can complain and not listen, but until then you're going to just shut up and pay attention."

Revan sighed and rested her cheek on her fist. She didn't feel the need to point out his infallible logic that she would never _be_ his age, if he kept aging. "Fine, knock yourself out, you old bastard."

"Feh, the disrespect." He shook his head. "Once there was a man named Shardi, now Shardi had a mite few things about him that people thought were strange. He had an old chair that he used to dance with on cold nights, a hat that he'd keep in his hands at all time, and then one day… one day he got a rat."

"A rat?"

"Did I tell you to interrupt me? Shut your mouth and listen. So Shardi never paid any attention to this rat. He just let it follow him around sit on his shoulder, eat his food when he was done with it, never really talked to it, picked it up or anything you'd do for a normal pet. It was just there. Everyone else noticed it, sometimes they'd ask him, 'Shardi where did you get the rat?' and he would just nod and walk away. Act like it didn't exist at all. Until one night he had to notice it."

Revan rolled her eyes at the pause. "Okay, I'll bite. Why did he have to notice the rat?"

Jolee nodded slowly. "Interesting choice of words. Actually the rat bit him in the neck while he was sleeping. Shardi bled to death."

Revan narrowed her vision. "If I'm the rat I'll dump this tea on you."

He coughed loudly. "It's not always about you. But there are some things you have to listen to, lass. Some things that are always there- no matter how much you ignore them, they're always going to come back and bite you in the neck."

She frowned and put down her cup. "Snakes and rats. Can't you tell a story about desa kittens and iluvant twarp birds?"

"Life isn't birds and kittens, kid. You know that."

Revan frowned at him and shot another look towards the two Padawans that were carefully attempting not to pay attention to her. "I've got a story for _you_, old man."

Jolee arched an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair. "This I gotta hear, kid."

She cracked her knuckles loudly, drawing Oron and Lydie's attention towards her. She pushed it back with a glare. They both went to looking at whatever was interesting on the floor. "There once was an ugly old man. He was loud, boring, and slow. He also liked to ramble on and on about things people didn't want to know. Sometimes he would ask you things he said four minutes ago, just to pretend he was senile when he was actually annoying. One day he decided to shove himself along on a mission with a fantastic, smart, and great looking Jedi type person - then he died. The end."

"Sounds familiar. You really should work on your story telling abilities, kid. Not really getting it there."

Revan shook her head. "Do you know what the moral is, Jolee?"

"I have an idea," there was an amused quirk to his lips.

She placed her palms on the table. "You are too old to come with me."

Jolee scoffed. "I'm not going to argue with you. Of course I'm too old."

"What?" Revan balked at him.

"You're too stupid to take someone wiser and more experienced with you. I'm not going to disagree with logic like that. Get yourself killed, it's all the rage for the young kids I hear," he sipped at his tea. "Just don't come back here whining about how you couldn't do it without me."

She blinked and just stared at him with her mouth open.

"Keep that up and one of those giant workser flies is going to make a home in your open mouth."

Revan shut her mouth immediately and stood up. "You know, you really do have some great hosting skills, you old bastard."

"I never invited you down," he crossed his arms, "Hmmph, kids these days, ungrateful pissers the lot of you."

She brushed off her robes and stared at him. Revan crossed over the table, leaned down, and kissed him on his bald head. "I'll miss you, you old jerk. Don't ever change."

Jolee waved her off. "Bah, don't die and then come back to haunt me – I don't need the hassle."

Revan rolled her eyes and shook her head. She glared pointedly at the two Padawans in the corner. "Be nice to your elders."

-

Revan tried to keep her breathing calm as she made her way towards the _Ebon Hawk_. The spiraling walkways of Kashyyyk would not be missed. She had to keep glancing in every direction to watch out for kinrath, but in her intense concentration HK kept sneaking up on her.

She jumped in her skin. "Dammit, stop _doing_ that!"

"Statement: You told me to keep guard for kinrath, Master. I am just doing what you ordered. Observation: There is a very hairy meatbag approaching us."

"Carth?" Revan brought herself back to reality and noticed Zaalbar approaching. "Oh."

He looked angry. Revan didn't need to read through four volumes on Kashyyyk history in relation to the Jedi to realize that an angry wookiee was a bad thing. "My scout informed me that you were trying to run with your tail between your legs."

Revan smiled sheepishly. "Humanoids don't have tails, Zaal – you know that." He crossed his furry arms in front of him. He didn't seem impressed. Revan sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. You can't come with me. No one can come with me. I mean – you've got a great thing here Zaalbar, you've got your own scouts for frack's sake."

"You cannot disavow a life debt."

Revan crossed her arms. "You do… all the time. I mean look at you now," she gestured to the long sash that hung across his chest. "You're the chieftain now – you have opportunities, family. Do not give that up for some stupid debt. Hell, Zaal I didn't even want to save you, it was the only way to make Mission help us get into the base."

Zaalbar let out a loud and fast growl. "I pledged a debt of honor and it is not up to you to disavow that."

"Then who is it up to, you giant carpet?" she growled back.

HK-47 moved next to her in a precision movement. "Statement: It would be my great pleasure to take care of this annoyance for you, Master – one quick blaster to the-"

Revan threw up her hand. "Stop suggesting that or I will take you apart and spread your remains throughout the rim." She eyed Zaalbar evenly. "Look – we've never gotten along well. We only have Mission in common, Zaal and you know that – plus if it ever came down to it, she'd be the one you'd want to do whatever a life debt does. So why not do what you want?"

"Honor is not about doing what you want. Honor is about doing what is honorable."

"What do you plan on doing, Zaalbar? Following me on the ship? Going beyond the outer rim? Abandoning your people when _they _need you?"

Zaalbar let out a mournful growl. "I was going to wish you well – and tell you to call on me whenever it was needed. But you seem to be a sapling that insists on breaking the older tree to get out, when if you'd just grow with the older tree they would both prosper."

Revan crossed her arms. "Keep well, Zaalbar."

"As should you. Revan Talke."

She smiled lightly as she watched the wookiee stalk away. He proved that there was more to someone than met the eye. Just looking at the outer shell and not seeing the strength and inner spirit beneath the monster – or the wookiee. And that was stronger than the Force could be.

"Come on, HK – that's five down two to go," she made her way back to the _Ebon Hawk_.

"Statement: It pains me to hear you say that, master – when it does not apply to carnage or other bloodshed."

Revan glared at him as she walked up the ramp where T3 was waiting and beeping impatiently. "Force help us all, I almost agree with you."

-

"Um… Revan, I know you're busy and all, but could you-" Nisotsa's brown eyes stared back at her, ever hopeful.

Revan sighed and put down her datapad on the pile of the other ones. "Nita- could you at least say hi first?"

Nisotsa sunk back into her seat. "Sorry, just Master Ell gave me this big report on ancient Jedi history and I'm not exactly sure what to do with it. I mean there are so many volumes and it's so vague."

"He probably wants you to show some initiative," Revan frowned and glanced up. Four other Padawans and two apprentices were making their way over. "You like engines, Nita. There's a volume in the second shelf on the first floor that's all about Jedi in relation to the increase of transportation on Coruscant."

Nisotsa blinked. "Who's it by?"

"Master Yunis Gill."

Nisotsa smiled brightly at Revan. "Thanks so much, Revan. I'm glad you're back – how long are you staying?"

Revan shrugged. "Master Kae has a few more things to take care of, she said we'd be on Dantooine for about a week."

"Oh… well we should do something later tonight, go out with the settlers or something. I can grab Jene and Cariaga for you?"

Revan nodded softly. "Sure, Nita."

Her blonde friend trotted off to find her report and Revan let out a sigh of relief. She picked her datapad up and began to read it through again. Studies on Bothan Behavior were hard enough to find, let alone find the time to read through.

The four Padawans and two apprentices were staring at her now. Two of them were at least three years older than her. She kept her vision on her datapad, maybe if she ignored them they would go away. A loud cough from one of the Padawans told her differently.

Revan sighed and put the datapad down. "I really need to get my own work done."

"You heard her," chirped a voice from around the corner. Talvon Esan peered out around the corner. The Padawans shifted in their seats. The short blonde boy crossed his arms in front of him and frowned. "Shouldn't you be checking on your own duties and not leeching off someone else? I'm sure Master Tegen would be very disappointed to hear you've been harassing Padawan Revan, again."

All six of them scrambled to get up with short Jedi bows and mumbled apologies. Talvon kept a firm face until they left and then grinned and slid into the seat across from her. He shrugged off his shoulder sack.

Revan smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Tal."

"So how was Alderaan?" he grabbed the datapad out of her hand and set it out of her reach.

Revan frowned, "I'm trying to work."

"Bantha-poodo, Revvie – you know Master Kae doesn't assign you any work while you're here. You're just being boring for fun."

She crinkled her nose at him and crossed her arms in front of her. "I'm not boring."

"More boring than a granite slug, Rev."

Revan pulled at her robes self-consciously. "That was a nice Vrook impression you've developed."

Talvon grinned at her. "Yeah I know. Helps having him for a Master." He shook his head and rustled with the sack beside him, "I heard you would be in here mucking away, so I decided to bring you some cheer."

"Jedi don't have cheer," Revan clipped, a smile forming on her lips.

He pulled out a heavy board and placed it on the table. "I was going to bring Galactic Monopoly, but you spanked me last time, so I thought maybe we could try some dejarik, where my poor little farm-boy brain has a chance to win."

Revan snorted. "We're on equal footing, Dantooine-boy. I'm Deralian, remember?"

Talvon waved his hand impassively and began to set up the pieces. "Yes, I recall – barefoot dancing and ribbons."

She rubbed her nose awkwardly. "I should never have given you that book."

He grinned at her and started to place pieces on the second tier. "Yeah it was a good presentation, got a standing ovation with those baby-holos of you."

"That wasn't me, it was a picture from the book of a Deralian with black hair. It wasn't even a girl," she crossed her arms over her chest.

Talvon blinked and placed the last piece in place. "Neither are you… I mean not really."

Revan balked. "What am I then? An androgynous marsh toad?"

Her shorter friend nodded and sat back down. "Yeah, pretty much." He flicked on the board and lights played through the tiers. "Your move, marsh toad."

She squared off her shoulders and made a face at him. "Want to make it interesting?" She moved two of her pieces towards him.

"What?" Talvon mock-gasped, "I have never heard such a thing. I'm a Jedi Padawan I don't gamble. Ten creds." He moved one of his pieces away.

Revan laughed and switched out two pieces. "I heard Xas is on Nar Shaddaa – checking out a Hutt syndicate."

Talvon frowned. "Yeah, Xaset gets all the fun missions, while the rest of us have to deal with settling settler disputes." He shook his head. "You know how hard it is telling your _uncle_ that he has to act with proper respect towards his neighbors. The man is twice as big as I am and scares me more."

Revan rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you're complaining – I'd love to be this close to my family."

He scoffed. "They're not my family, stopped being that when they dropped me off on Coruscant – besides no attachments, right. They're less than an hour away and can't even check in on me."

She lifted her hand and used a delicate strand of Force to slide the tallest piece closer to the middle. "There are plenty of interesting things here, Tal."

"Says the girl who travels to the farthest reaches of space with her Masters."

Revan arched and eyebrow at him. "I thought I wasn't a girl?"

"Don't be a literalist, Rev. You never answered my question," he exchanged two pieces from the top and bottom tiers.

"What question?"

"How was Alderaan?"

"Oh…" Revan felt her face heat up and she quickly made a counter move to cover it up. "Um… it was fine."

Talvon leaned around the table to stare at her. "What did you do?"

She glanced around and sighed, "I jumped on thranta and flew around the great courtyard."

He stared at her for a long moment. "Bravo."

"Shut up, Tal."

"No really, Rev. That's – I'm very impressed. Kae must have killed you."

Revan scratched the back of her neck. "I had to clean the entire ship, with a sonic toother."

"Ouch," he moved three more pieces. "That would be di'endete."

Revan stared at the board. Three tiers, fourteen possible moves – three steps to victory if she took a shorter reference. She looked up at Talvon and moved her piece. "I think she was going easy on me."

Talvon shook his head. "Yeah Vrook would have made you wax and polish it too," he smiled brightly as he tipped over two of her pieces and put them in his pile.

She nodded softly. "Probably good thing I don't have Vrook as a Master then- there's only so much waxing a girl can do," she moved her piece into spot and all three tiers flashed. "Dejan."

Her friend's mouth was open slightly as he stared at her. "You- you tricked me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Revan rested her hands on her lap. "You're just a sore loser."

Talvon shook his head and frowned. "You let two pawns be knocked out in succession."

Revan tipped her head to the side. "Sometimes you have to sacrifice the pawns."

Talvon shrugged stiffly, still sore about losing. "Yeah, well tell that to the pawns."

Thanks to all the reviews and people have have stuck with me and my slow self. Also big thanks to Kosiah for betaing this chapter for me and helping me with it. AND Rose07 who had to hear me bitch about it for three months, while she ate popcorn.


	5. chapter 4

She slid carefully onto the desk, pressing her palms against the cool, hard wood, gracefully using balance, finesse and a little Force.

"So?" she smiled lightly staring at his aged demeanor.

Her teacher, never master, arched an eyebrow and glared. "That is not a proper greeting, Pad- Knight Revan, nor is it a grammatically correct sentence. I would have thought you would know better."

Revan sighed and leaned her hands against her knees. "Any words of wisdom for the freshly knighted, Master Vrook?"

Vrook snorted, dryly. "Yes, get off my desk."

She grinned brightly and dangled her feet off the side, making no move to comply. "You said you'd tell me about the true Nomi Sunrider and Ulic Qel-Droma story when I was knighted."

Vrook turned from his datapads and glared at her. "I said no such thing."

Revan nodded thoughtfully and twirled and an absent finger through her hair. "Yes… I thought you might have forgotten, so I took the precaution of spending six hours tracking down the holofeed from the archives of that day when you said it."

He said nothing but stared at her evenly.

She beamed at him and pulled the small holo out of her new knight's robes. She placed it on the desk and opened it.

A small blue light shone through and two figures were standing near the holoreceptor.

"_Master Vrook! But these datapads don't match up with these other ones. You were there in the War of Exar Kun – you should know what happened? I don't know why you won't tell me." _

_Vrook squared off his shoulders and ran a hand over his thinning hair. "You are not mature enough, Apprentice, to deal with the truths of that particular story. When you are older I might consider speaking to you about it." _

_The little girl sighed dramatically, shifting the datapads in her arms. "But- okay what about when I'm a Padawan?" _

"_Not even if you were mine."_

"_A Knight? I'll have access to a fuller section of the archives then." It was easy to tell her eyes were gleaming in excitement even through the small screen. _

"_Fine… Apprentice. When you are a Knight I will answer your questions. Now get back to work."_

Revan flicked off the holo and smiled at him.

Vrook frowned. "You spent three hours searching for that when you could have been doing something productive – this is not a good start to your knightship, Revan."

She waggled her finger. "A Knight must always be prepared."

Vrook frowned. "That's the Coruscanti Scout motto – not a Jedi Knight."

Revan sighed and rested back against her palms. "Jedi also keep their word?"

He shook his head and shifted around to face her completely. "Why are you so interested in this? It is just the follies of times past – we must move on and keep better to the rigors and rules set forth."

She blinked carefully. "How can we learn from our mistakes if we don't study our pasts?"

Vrook stared at Revan. "What drives you to annoy me?"

Revan grinned. "Oh, come on Vrook you know I'm your favorite!"

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Do not delude yourself."

She poked his chair with her foot. "Stop putting it off – I just want to know."

"Your thirst for knowledge will be your downfall, Knight Revan."

She resisted rolling her eyes. "Okay, can you give me the lecture after you tell me?"

Hardened blue eyes stared back at her and he made a frustrated gesture. "I did not know them very well – even before Master Sunrider left the temple to journey on her own terms."

Revan sighed. "Here I thought there was some great mystical thing that you were going to finally share with me…"

Vrook frowned. "Life is not a holonovel, Revan."

"I know that," she snapped and then smiled lightly and waved her hand. "Sorry I just-" she shook her head and hopped off the desk. "I thought even though you're no longer my teacher I could still learn something." She shrugged. "But if you didn't know them, you didn't know them." Revan frowned and shoved her hands in her robes. She had built this moment up too much in her mind. Ulic Qel-Droma was – well he was legendary and some of the teachings that Nomi Sunrider left were fantastic and full of insight.

"Revan." Vrook's voice was hard and there was the slightest tremor through the Force. "I said I did not know them well. I knew- I knew Exar Kun well."

Revan turned slowly. "How well?" None of the other masters would talk about Exar Kun. Some of the Jedi still didn't even know he'd originally been one, to all he was just the Dark Lord that had trounced on their Jedi ways and taken good men and women from the Jedi.

"Well enough," he gruffed, "He was arrogant, close minded, and thought that he had the answer to everything. His downfall was obvious and anyone who didn't see it and fell with him was a complete fool."

She closed her eyes carefully. There was a break in Vrook's façade – a crack in his hard Jedi demeanor. She opened them again and nodded slowly before grinning. "Well that's just the usual warning I guess. Good to know it still applies."

"Arrogance is something that cannot be ignored, Revan. It will be your failing if you let it."

Revan frowned. "I'm not arrogant. That's not why I was asking-" She squared off her shoulders. "Master Vrook, I'm not a little Padawan anymore. You don't have to over warn me about the dangers of the dark side."

He stood sharply. "Overconfidence also cannot go unhindered."

She kept her arms straight at her side. She would not yell at a Jedi master. She was a Knight now. She would not tell him exactly where he could go. "I was just asking a question. Don't worry I won't be that foolish to do it again."

"Revan," he said through a straight jaw. There was something off – something that she couldn't quite grasp at. He'd always been strict, but this was like she'd cut him.

She stared at him. "I'm not going to fall."

Vrook met her gaze. "Everyone who falls believes that."

Why was he so insistent with her? She hadn't done anything that was out of Jedi protocol and order – she'd just come in and asked a question. Sitting on his desk hadn't been overtly obnoxious and she had done much worse without so much of a rebuke. She breathed deeply; nothing she was going to do was ever going to please him. She'd never be his equal – but maybe he had a point. Was she overconfident? Well she knew that was true, obviously.

She bowed slightly. "I'm sorry, Master Vrook. I-I'll meditate on it."

Vrook didn't say anything he just stared at her with unreadable eyes. "See that you do. It would be a waste for you to fall Revan… a great waste."

"Thanks."

"Pride will be your downfall as well, Revan."

She threw her head back in annoyance. "Okay now you're just doing it to bug me!"

Vrook snorted and shook his head. "I don't focus my daily dealings just to _bug_ you, Revan. Do not think so highly of yourself."

Revan grinned, the tension from the slight argument earlier dissipating. "I couldn't think highly of myself – the Jedi Temple is one of the lowest buildings on Coruscant."

Vrook raised an eyebrow. "Humor – is the path to the dark side. Especially when the jokes are as bad as that."

She didn't let her grin fall. "I'll work on it."

* * *

Revan coughed as she descended off the docking ramp of the _Ebon Hawk_. The dust that had settled around the area where she'd finally managed a landing was caking in the back of her throat. "Son of a schutta, that was hard."

T3 beeped angrily at her from the _Hawk_.

Revan waved him off. "Shut up and stay on the ship. I landed just fine." She stared around the unfamiliar ruins and frowned. "Where exactly I landed is the question."

All she knew was that Juhani was helping with the Taris restoration project and that it was even more encompassing, at the moment, than the Telos project, because of the massive amounts of urbanization that the planet possessed. Rebuilding the three levels of people and infrastructure was more to pick up than a farming and tourism planet. She tried not to dwell on what Telos made her think of. Tried not imagine exactly what Carth 'flyboy' Onasi was doing at that very instant.

Of course, that failed. Revan's mood steadily decreased. If it had only been a couple of weeks and it was already starting to wear on her. She missed being self-sufficient when she didn't depend on people or need them. Or at least she had convinced herself that she didn't. Being a Jedi and a Sith had been so simple. She just had to take care of her own interests in regards to what she was. Now that she was somewhere in-between and had people she cared about, she wished she could go back to the time where she could push them all away.

This part of Taris was unfamiliar, but it didn't look like the sector she was supposed to land in. A flash of silver caught her eye and she jogged over to where a protocol droid was wandering around.

"What's your designation?" she clipped as.

The silver droid turned to her. "C8-72, Republic Issue information droid. Why are you in this sector, sentient? Do you have the proper clearance?"

Revan snorted. "Proper clearance? It's a wasteland here, what are you afraid I'm going to steal some rubble?"

The droid did not respond to her jibe. "Sentient. You are in sector 4A, clearance level 3. It is my duty to escort you to a standard security zone if you do not have the proper clearance."

She rolled her eyes and pulled out her lightsaber. "Is this enough clearance, you bucket of bolts? Or do I have to turn it on?"

"Sentient. You must desist in this avenue. A lightsaber could deign you as Sith, who are not cleared or a Jedi."

"I'm a Je-" the words died on her lips. She wasn't a Jedi, not anymore. Not for a long time. "I'm not a Sith." That at least was true. "I'm here to see Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis."

The droids eye's whirred for a moment. "Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis is in sector 6G – maximum security clearance. Only Jedi Knights are allowed in that area."

Revan groaned. "Fine, then let me up there."

"Only Jedi Knights are allowed in that area."

She clenched her fists together, resisting the all too tempting urge to turn C8 into scrap metal. "Well then send a message to Juhani and she can come get me."

"Messages can only be sent with the proper cle-"

Revan cut the droid off. "If you finish that sentence I will hurt you."

"Unnecessary violence will not be responded to. Powering down. Good day." C8-72 deactivated and Revan just stood slack jawed staring at it.

"Son of a bitch." She brushed off her robes and coughed. It was going to be a long day.

The landscape of Taris was completely different than before; wreckage was condensed into tiny squares for disposal, where once tall structures had stood. The scent of a finely-tuned upper city was now replaced with a rotting smell that hung in the air. Revan picked up a piece of metal covered in the light red dust, which seemed to blanket the entire landscape. She moved her thumb against it clearing a trail on the metal. She glanced at her skewed reflection and frowned.

"This one's not my fault."

She dropped the metal on the dusty ground and kept walking.

* * *

Her legs were beginning to burn. It had been an extremely long walk in a sector that had either had low priority or had already been swept through. She didn't exactly know where she was headed, but Juhani had to be somewhere and the sooner Revan found her the sooner she could leave.

"Who's there?" a fierce voice called out. "You're not cleared for this sector."

"Well you're cleared to kiss my ass, you stupid –" mid way through what would have been a delightful initiation into the swearing languages of the Chiss hierarchy, Revan's voice caught in her throat. "Zaedra?"

The purple Twi'lek narrowed her eyes as she limped down a low slopping hill of rubble. She stopped and that thin line she called a mouth turned down. "Swoop Racer."

The first thing Revan wanted to say was an exclamation about the fact that the annoying Twi'lek was alive, but she figured that might be a little rude considering the circumstances. Luckily for her, diplomacy training with Kae had taught her not to say the first thing that came to mind – most of the time.

She brushed her robes off and flashed a grin. "Crawled out of the rubble, did we?" Unfortunately the second thing that came to mind was usually worse than the first.

Zaedra leaned on the leg she was favoring and glared. "Gadon had many precautionary plans in place. A good half of us got away from the majority of the blast."

"Gadon made it out okay?" Revan smiled. He was about the one person on Taris she had actually liked. But from the face Zaedra made the answer was clear. "Oh…"

"He stayed behind to help the others and ended up right in an impact zone." Zaedra's voice was hard and brittle. "It seems your plan to save Bastila ended up well for you. Only one ship made it off Taris before the razing."

Revan rested one hand on her hip. "I'm looking for Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis – she should be in sector 6G. Can you take me there?"

Zaedra flicked one headtail sharply, the other one just seemed to hang there as limp as her leg. "You always seem to want something."

"Don't we all," Revan muttered and then sighed. "Look the sooner I find her the sooner I leave and never seen your face again." She eyed the woman meaningfully, "Or vice versa."

Zaedra frowned at her and shook her head. "Fine. Follow me. But don't talk, I'd as soon forget you before you left."

"The feeling is mutual, I assure you."

* * *

The landscape started to repeat itself after a while. Tarisian architecture had many fairly unique buildings in every area, but it turned out that they all fell the same. Revan popped her knuckles against her thigh and sighed. "Are we there yet?"

Zaedra glanced back and frowned. "It was a big city. Now it's a big group of _restoration_ sectors."

Revan slid forward to match pace with the limping, but still fast gaited, woman. "You ever go to the Upper Levels?"

Zaedra glanced balefully at Revan and frowned. "There are many areas of the Upper City that are flocked with other species than humans. Just because something is illegal doesn't mean it's followed. Or did you follow all the laws where you're from?" she tipped the working lekku inquisitively.

"On occasion, I've been known to follow the rules," Revan said conversationally. "That's what I've been told at least."

Zaedra snorted dryly looking less than amused when there was a high-pitched cry from somewhere around the bend. "Savior!"

Revan glanced to the other side of them looking for whatever Savior this woman was yelling at, but there was no one beside them. She looked up at Zaedra who was frowning, which meant her expression hadn't changed.

But there was no way the approaching woman could be talking about Revan. The only thing she had saved on Taris was Bastila, who still wouldn't own up to the fact.

"The herald of prophecy!" the woman said breathlessly running up to them and grasping Revan's hands.

"Shit."

"You know this outcast?" Zaedra's frown seemed to increase, if that was possible.

Revan finally moved her hands away from the Under Citian and glared. "No. Or – maybe."

"I am Shaleena," the woman said, brushing hair back from her face. She turned towards Zaedra and straightened her posture a bit. "And I am no longer an Outcast. The purge of Taris cleared our names and we are the majority of the land."

_The haggard looking beggar moved forward. Carth took a protective step forward as well, putting a hand on his blaster._

_"Here in the filth and darkness," the beggar continued in a solemn voice, "we claw out a wretched existence, scavenging and begging just to survive long enough to see another wretched day."_

_"Right," she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes. Vaguely she wondered if she kicked them out of the way if Carth would get upset again. He was easier to handle when he wasn't snappy._

_"This is our village," the other beggar proclaimed. "We live here in the undercity. You have to pay us five credits for using our elevator!"_

_Carth made a scoffing noise. "I don't believe this planet! Even the beggars are trying to shake us down."_

_"Go on, you two! Get out of here!" another, decidedly female voice called out as a young woman approached and shooed the two beggars off. "I'm sorry about that…" she smiled brightly. Her eyes were slightly glazed. "Those two beggars give everyone in the village a bad name! We aren't all like that, you know. Most of us are good people."_

"You're the what now?" Revan backed up from the two women and tried to remember where she'd seen Shaleena before.

"We were saved so we are now the majority on this planet. From paradise to a new Taris," Shaleena grinned brightly, her eyes adoringly glazed.

Revan still couldn't really remember her. "Uh… right. Well we have to uh go now." She glanced imploringly at Zaedra who had her lekku turned up in disgust.

Shaleena grabbed Revan's arm again. "But you are the savior – we must celebrate!"

Revan shook her off. "Look – I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about."

"The Promised Land Journals," Shaleena tried to grab for her again, but Revan moved too quickly. "You gave them to Igear and he shared them with the rest of us. It was our saving grace. We made it to the tunnels just in time. Everyone except poor Igear made it out."

"Poor… Igear?" Revan blinked and tapped her fingers against her thighs. "Igear – promised land journals why did—oh." She felt like her stomach dropped into her feet. Right. The old man, Rukil. He'd told her that she was their saving grace. That she should go get a few journals – and she apparently had the sense of direction of a blind deaf ronto, so on their many detours in the sewers she'd found a few. And Igear had offered up 200 creds for them – and she hadn't actually thought that…

Shaleena was still smiling like an imbecile.

"Uh… yeah. He sure turned out to be a great guy." Revan tried to smile, it hurt her jaw.

Shaleena grabbed for her arms again and lit up. "You _must_ come see the Majoral area!" She glanced sideways at Zaedra, "You may come if you wish as well, former separatist."

Zaedra finally smiled. "I'd be thrilled to."

Revan decided that smiles on Zaedra were not a good thing.

* * *

They were singing. The former out casts of the undercity were singing around a bonfire. They were singing around a bonfire.

And they were all tone deaf.

Revan closed her eyes and opened them again. No luck, she was still there. "I can't say I don't deserve this kind of hell, but I'm considering doing something worse and seeing what the next level is." She rubbed her head. "At least it would save my hearing."

One of Zaedra's lekku was curled around her shoulder in disgust. "It's the subject matter that bothers me."

Apparently the Savior of the Undercity - A Woman They Called Areet was a thrilling success. Revan shrugged. "Got my fake name wrong anyway." She glanced at her nails in the dim light. "Eh, artistic interpretation." At least they weren't trying to get her to dance with them again. She had to resist making the Under City extinct. She was good. Not evil.

Not evil.

If she kept telling herself that, maybe she'd believe it. "Hey, Zaedra?"

Zaedra arched an eyebrow and glanced at her. "What?"

"You think being a sick bastard is evil, or just in good taste considering the situation?" She leaned back on her heels.

The Twi'lek snorted. "I think given the current situation setting off a thermal detonator wouldn't be evil, it'd be the act of a saint."

"I could be a saint."

Zaedra didn't have a chance to respond, Revan caught sight of fur and a flash of luminance yellow eyes across the way and started walking over. She was sure the Twi'lek wouldn't miss her presence. It was one goodbye she didn't have to make. "Do you know," Revan started, the smile on her face widening, "How fracking far I had to walk just to get to your high quality prissy Jedi as—" The swear word on the tip of her tongue, surely to be accompanied by a few more died.

Juhani wasn't the only fur she'd spied. Or the only Cathar.

"Revan," Juhani's features lit up as she took her in, but Revan wasn't staring at her.

"You- You- You're Sylvar… I mean Master Sylvar, I mean… wow." Okay she was babbling. This was not becoming of a not-Jedi former Sith Lord. Revan coughed into her hand. "I uh… studied you and um…"

Sylvar raised her chin. "It's quite all right, _Revan_."

Right. Not smart to turn into a gibbering fangirl when one was infamous themselves. "Uh," she coughed into her hand again and smiled. "Juhani, the restoration looks amazing."

Juhani smiled at her, obscured slightly by the sheer mask around her face. "Yes. It has turned out very well and has been enlightening for me to see the home that haunted my dreams turned to such rubble."

"The Force is a great balancing act," Sylvar said with a nod and a look at Revan.

Suddenly she felt fourteen again like she'd run into Vima Sunrider. Peppered her with questions and been glared down so fast she'd hidden behind Malak for the rest of the day. "Hey, Giggles – you want we should start that walking thing in the other direction. I need to talk to you."

Juhani shook her head and made a stunning imitation of Bastila trying not to roll her eyes. "As you wish." She bowed to Sylvar. "Master Sylvar."

Sylvar shook her head in disapproval. "The work cannot be kept up at nightfall. I will see you in the morning, Juhani." She glanced at Revan and walked over towards the bonfire and tone-deaf Under citizen.

"Never thought I'd see stars on Taris," Revan murmured under her breath as she and Juhani began to walk further away from the bustling crowd that was going for another round of Savior worship. The sky was beautiful. Clusters of stars, blocked slightly by clouds that were just fine debris and dust that had collected in the atmosphere.

"I know why you have come, Revan." Juhani glanced up at the night sky and stopped once they were by a brushed area.

"Crap. Did Mission comm you too?" Revan shook her head. "I'm going to hang her by her stupid blue lekku when I get back." And maybe boil her in oil. That was always a classic.

Juhani shook her head. "No. I have not heard from Mission since the Star Forge." She folded her hands in front of her and took a deep breath. "I have sensed something dark within the Force for months. It overshadows the entire galaxy and is slowly getting larger."

Revan scratched her neck. "Did you tell this to Sylvar?"

"We have discussed it, yes. She believes it is the onset of another war. Another Exar Kun."

"And you believe…?" Revan tilted her head slightly to take in Juhani from another angle.

"I believe," the Cathar stared up at the sky, "that something new is coming. And that you would know what it was."

Revan smirked. "I don't really get Force visions, Giggles."

Juhani shook her head. "Revan. You do not have to act this way with me, I understand your pain."

Revan's jaw tightened and she crossed her arms under her chest. "Don't give me the Jedi crap, Juhani. If you know why I'm here and you _understand_ me, you know what I'm going to say."

"Yes." Juhani smiled at her. "My answer is of course, yes. I will travel with you."

For a moment. Only a moment, Revan was tempted to just let her think that. Let Juhani keep that happy look on her face. But another part of her, the part that was slowly controlling more and more of her was angry. Angry that her friend was so stupid that she would put her happiness on accompanying Revan on a suicide mission.

"I'm going alone," Revan said stiffly. "I came to say goodbye."

Juhani stayed calm. The only change on her face was the wide smile going to a softer one. "I am coming with you. My safety is not a concern."

"Like hell it isn't," Revan snapped. She was fracking tired of people making assumptions that they could just—that she was worth them giving up their lives. That they wouldn't get in the way. "I care, Juhani."

"Not the way I do," Juhani said quietly. Her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness of night. "But that is all right, Revan. I have-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Revan snapped back at her. She knew exactly what it meant, but she was still angry from her hurried confession on the rooftop of the Rakata. When everything had still been caving in, when she'd been talking to Ariate who had just found out she didn't exist.

Juhani eyed her sadly and a small smile crossed her face. "I could not love Dass the way he wanted me too," she said softly. "I could not, in the same sense give Belaya all that she wanted. I found that I cannot give myself completely, and forever - as Cathars mate for life, to anyone." She brushed some soot off her robes and pulled down the sheer cloth covering her face. "I could with you, Revan."

She shook her head suddenly. "But that is not the way it is to be. No matter how I feel you do not return the feelings and I do not fault you for that, as I have trod that on a few myself. The way of the Jedi is careful and sacrificing. Not in the brilliant way that you shine and decide to give everything up for those you love." She trailed off slightly, staring at some of the wreckage around them. Whether she was denying herself to be in that group or including herself, it seemed impossible to tell. Revan didn't want to know.

"But the way of the Jedi is to sacrifice everything for everyone. For the good of all people, not just the ones that your heart is attached to. That is why there is no attachment, because our hearts and souls are already spoken for, by every being in existence," she made a very feline gesture with her hands, clawing up her thigh. "That is not the right path for you. And I was not sure it was right for me, but you have shown me, by denying me - that I can have my great love and care with the Jedi and for them and the greater good."

"Oh well. I guess glorious be onto the savior of all. Me!" Revan blinked away the frustration that was welling in her eyes. "I'm so happy I helped you decide that, Juhani. So pleased that the self-sacrifice you can now gladly jump onto is all because of me. Just give me _another _medal!" Her hands were balling the sides of her robes into knots and in that brief moment she wanted strong arms around her – she wanted Malak. Revan closed her eyes tightly. She was tired of being two people. Tired of feeling things that disgusted another side of her.

She just wanted to be her again. But she didn't want to lose everything she'd gained from that. "Who do you _care_ about, exactly, Juhani? I think you should make up your damn mind."

Juhani finally frowned, although it was slight. "What do you—"

"The Revan you idolized as a child who didn't remember you? The mindwiped shell called Ariate? Or the now Revan who you don't even know?"

Revan regretted it the moment it was out of her mouth. A deep weight settled in her gut as Juhani looked down, but the anger was too strong. And she knew she was right. She bit on her lip, an apology dancing around her lips – but Juhani preempted her.

"I only know one woman," she said looking up, "And I only love one woman." Juhani shook her head. "May the Force be with you, Revan." She pulled up her mask again and turned, but did not walk away until she said one last thing. "If you never let anyone in. No one will know the _new_ you."

And then Juhani walked off towards the fire. Leaving Revan in the dark.

It was a long cold walk back to the ship.

* * *

Malak's approach was easy to sense. His lumbering presence was ingrained in her mind so tightly that it was just second nature to feel him coming, but the panting and loud footsteps as he finally got onto the roof were an easier way to sense him.

"You're out of shape," Revan commented tartly without turning around.

Malak huffed and made a grumbling noise before sitting next to her on the roof and dangling his long legs off the roof. "What are you doing up here?"

She let out a small breath and squinted off in the distance. "Watching Jene and Master Kavar's unresolved sexual tension. It's kind of disgusting, but it's like a speeder wreck – I just can't take my eyes off it."

Malak leaned forward slightly and then backed up and rested on his palms when he realized he was overlooking a steep drop. "It's inappropriate."

Revan rolled her eyes and snorted. "It's gross – that's what it is. He's like twice her age."

He eyed her carefully out of the corner of his eye. "I guess it's not that bad – I mean, if they like each other. She's of age and he's not her Master."

Revan regarded him for a moment, taking in his broad shoulders and the way the wave of his hair shifted in the wind. "Are you _really_ going to shave your head?"

He brought a hand up to his hair, self-consciously. "It's an old tradition from the Jedi in my family line."

"You're Alderaanian. The only tradition you have is reciting boring poetry."

"My mother was Borkaidk – and from a long line of Jedi. Yes, I grew up on Alderaan, but—" He sighed under her demanding stare. "Look I already have the tattoo, I can't back out now."

She squinted, trying to picture the curls gone from his head. Not to see the one brown one falling over his blue eyes. He'd be a really pale bald guy. "I guess…" Revan sighed and hugged her arms around herself as a deep gust of wind chilled the air. "Maybe I'll shave my head too."

"Don't joke."

"No really," she brushed a hand through her chin length dark locks. "I'd be more aerodynamic."

"Well that'll be great if anyone wants to throw you," Malak scoffed rolling his eyes.

"I could be a Jedi torpedo," she said with half a smile.

There was a nice comfortable bout of silence before Malak decided to talk again. "Did you really come up here to spy on Jene?"

Revan kicked her feet against the edge of the roof. "It makes my day."

"I notice you didn't bring any datapads." His face was soft and she couldn't bring herself to stare at it directly.

"Just wanted to be by myself for a while," she said quietly and stared out at the slowly setting sun. From up here it crested down on the hills – so much like home. She wrapped her arms around herself from more than the cold. "Without distractions."

Malak didn't offer to leave. "It's been two years since it happened."

It didn't take the edge off of it. It didn't take the pain that gnawed at her and the knowledge that she should detach herself from any emotional involvement. Time did not heal all wounds – the wound was still there, she just had to learn to use unscarred parts of her. The question was, what happened when there was none left.

"I should have been there," she said quietly.

Malak looked like he was debating about it, but put a strong arm around her shoulder. "It wouldn't have made a difference, Revan."

She sighed and suffocated herself in his shoulder. "I should have been there. I should have been Spark and seen my Da everyday – I should have been his girl and learned to fix the machines there, just been the smart Deralian daughter – not-"

"A Jedi?"

Revan, wedged out from under his arm a bit and rested her hands on her knees. "I spent my whole life trying to forget who I was and now all I want to do is take back that time and remember." She rubbed her forehead with her palm. Her throat was getting tight. "He wanted me to visit so many times, Mal—I just told them I couldn't but—I never even tried."

"Personal familial attachments are looked down upon, especially since-" Malak cut off. "Right, not helping. Revan…" He sighed and brushed back some of her hair. "It was a freak accident."

"A freak accident that took out half my family. Half the family I never see—Corti already died from childbirth like my mother. I just—I don't know any of them." She didn't even know herself anymore. "How much can mastering aspects of being a Jedi give me a personality?"

Malak sighed. "Revan, I think the time you take out of your schedule to think up ways to torture Vrook is personality enough."

She laughed, lightly. "At least I have that. If nothing else I have being a pain in the ass."

Malak pushed aside some hair from her face again and left his hand there. "You've got more than you think, Revan."

Revan bit her lip and turned out of his hand. It left a little memory tingle on her cheek where it had been. She smiled at him and stood up. There was a little bit of permecrete under them before it stretched out into the vast planes of grass.

"You can always have more." She stretched her arms out and stepped off the long drop. She slowed her fall to the ground, but just enough so the wind whipped at her face and she could still feel the hard resistant at the ground.

It wasn't the destination that was the fun part. It was the fall.


	6. chapter 5

It's fuzzy when he wakes up. Not just the blur behind his eyes, but the general feeling in his head and around him in the Force. Everything is just – fuzzy. His fingers seem to work on their own as he lifts them up towards the general buzz around him.

"He's awake," someone says. Their voice sounds disappointed.

They would be. It comes back to him slower than he would have liked, but it comes back. He should have died, but he didn't and now they can't have his position. He's still alive and that's the most important thing for a Sith. What else had happened? His memory was fuzzy too. He can't feel his face, can't manage to open his eyes more than a crack. Something inside him made him feel like he didn't want to.

He tries to speak. All that comes out is a horrible noise. A noise that could haunt someone's dream. It's not natural.

What happened? He had gone to Dantooine. He was a Sith. He wanted to make one big gesture, destroy it.

She had said no.

He went anyway. And he was still alive. Maybe not for long.

There was a time when he was sure she wouldn't do anything, but now—now he didn't know anything. Just the fuzzy feeling behind his eyes.

He tries to speak again, but this time the noise is so bad that it hurts his throat. He doesn't try again.

Dantooine. He'd gotten to Dantooine – three he'd killed, four he'd injured, many had run. Run from him. Because he was a Sith. A big powerful Sith that Jedi were afraid of. But not _him_. Not his old Master. He'd stood there with a sad look on his face, lekku pointed down.

Disappointment. Resignation. Not a glimmer of hope. There would have been hope for her. If he'd been her. But no, he'd fallen too far to even be told to turn back. Just a sad shake of his old master's head and then it had started. He'd been winning at first. He was bigger. He was stronger. He was a Sith.

But he'd lost. Zhar – that was his master's name. Like the horrible noise it came back at him sharply. Zhar had beaten him. It had happened so fast that he couldn't move in time. Couldn't duck back. Hadn't wanted to.

Zhar had said he was sorry. Sorry for what? Sorry that his student was a Sith? Sorry that he couldn't give his student a redemption speech?

Redemption was never an option for him. Malak never would be given the chance after he walked down that path – he knew that and he walked it anyway. Walked with her.

But she would have been given a speech.

And then she was there. She did get a speech. He was on the floor; it was an almost fatal swing of Zhar's lightsaber slamming into him so hard he fell back. Something cracked against his skull – part of his own face. The horrible noise came out again.

"In here," the voice says again, this time nervously.

Nervous about what? She wasn't mad. She saved him from another swing. Came and listened to the speech, told Zhar to go away. The Force had been clear for a moment before it all went black. It wasn't just the Force – it was her. A beating, living source focused right at his attacker.

She came to save him.

"When did he wake up?" Her voice is sharp – tinned metallic. She's wearing the mask. He can only make out a fuzzy figure and can't tell her distance, but he knows it's her.

"Just a few m-moments ago, Master." The voice is shaking. "I c-called you as s-soon as—"

"Stop whimpering and get out." She sounds disgusted. She should be. Weakness is a trait of the weak. Not the Sith.

There are footsteps. More noises and he can finally distinguish the color of the room and the heavy equipment all around him. There's cold and wet all over him. Especially his neck. It smells like blood. She waits until he can open his eyes fully and see her mask, before taking it off.

"Hey, Mal." Her voice is soft. Her face looks softer. She looks like she used to.

He tries speaking again. All that comes out is the horrible noise. Why can't he speak?

She sighs and sits down next to him. "We're getting you a vocoder. Don't try to speak." She traces a finger down the side of his face and then she stops. She looks down. "Mal… why didn't you listen to me? You weren't ready for Dantooine. It's not a weak point anyway. We have goals –" She corrects herself. "_I_ have goals. You're supposed to support them." She smiles. "We're a team, Mal."

He wants to tell her that he does support her. That he did this for her. To show her he was strong. But he can't speak and doesn't want to make the noise again. He tries staring at her, tries ignoring the pallor of her face and just focus on her expression.

"Zhar beat you." She says calmly. "How could you let him do this to you?" She traces her finger down his face, but it doesn't touch his face – it touches somewhere that shouldn't exist. His face doesn't keep going anymore.

He makes the noise again, struggling against himself to find his arms pinned down.

"It wasn't a clean cut. We had to take the rest off—" She shakes her head sadly. "There's not much we can do for prosthetics, it's not like it was an arm. You have to hand it to Zhar, he knows how to make a statement."

His heart pounds against his chest. He feels weak. Exposed. Not a Sith. He has to get out of here – somehow go back and start it over. Win this time.

"It's my fault." She says, blatantly ignoring his struggle. "I thought you were ready. You still have so much more to learn." She brushes her hand against his head and kisses his forehead. "Poor, Malak. I thought you'd listen. That we could be almost equals." She stood up and shook her head. "But we can't. We never were and we never will be."

She smiles at him. He feels sick.

"But maybe…" She pats his hand. "Maybe I can still teach you something."

She turns away for a moment. Goes out of his vision. He spends a desperate minute trying to adjust to what has happened. Trying to get her back with that soft face. Not to look disappointed like _he_ did.

When she comes back she's eyeing him sadly, with a shake of her head. Resigned. She turns to the voice – a young man. "Turn off the anesthetic."

He doesn't even waver. Barely gives her a look before moving towards one of the machines by Malak's head.

She walks over to Malak as the pain comes back, slowly at first and then searing and burning – more than just the part of him that's missing, but reliving the pain he felt when it was taken from him.

"Malak…" she shakes her head. "Listen to me next time."

She snorts softly and puts the mask back on. "Don't turn it back on." She says before turning her back on him.

He knows she can hear the horrible noise that is all he can make for a scream. But he can't tell her that – he has no lips to move.

* * *

Her boots clunked against the hard permecrete floor Anchorhead, Tatooine. She'd had a couple of days to stew since the ship had taken longer than she expected to hit the right hyperspace route. It was not the best thing that could have happened to her. She felt like anger was bubbling underneath her skin. And she knew exactly who to take it out on.

A feral grin lit up her face as she entered the Cantina. Bounty hunters, actual hunters, and a slow sludge of wannabe swoop riders were slung over the barstools. Everyone had sullen expressions and hard hands.

It was good to be home.

She swaggered in with a hand resting on her hip. She'd known where he was before she even entered the Cantina. Mandalorians were nothing if not consistent and Canderous seemed to only enjoy one spot in any Cantina in any sector. She still didn't get why he was on Tatooine. Something to do with Jagi, or being bored, no doubt. But right now she was just glad she was going to talk to someone without any preconceptions about her – someone who was simple to understand.

Basic and steady.

The perfect drinking partner. And after Taris she wanted more than anything to have a good stiff drink.

Revan slid into the barstool next to him and leaned her elbows up against the bar. She glanced around – there were no servers and she couldn't see a bartender. Everyone seemed to have a drink though. "Some service."

"Order your drink," Canderous said, a cigarra dangling from his fingers as he tipped back his own drink.

She eyed him strangely for a moment, nonplussed as his not greeting. "Uh… Deralian Lager, cold as you can get it."

After a moment, the drink seemed to float up on the bar. "What the hell?" she muttered and leaned over the counter to check. A Jawa was fussing underneath the counter with stacks of bottles and liquor. Revan leaned back and shook her head. "Talk about short staffed."

Canderous snorted as she made herself familiar with the alcohol. He took a drag of his cigarra and looked her up and down. "You have something interesting for me, Revan or is this one of your social calls?"

"That bored already, Canderous?" Revan cocked an eyebrow and enjoyed the cool drip of lager down her throat. The weather wasn't Telosian climate controlled – that was for sure. "And here I thought the illustrious life of a snazzy business man such as yourself was all shits and giggles."

"The bounties that come in are less than thrilling," he grumbled and took another drag of his cigarra, before finishing off his drink and slamming the glass down on the table. "I'm sure you've had plenty of war stories to bring back to me. From Telos."

Revan narrowed her eyes at him. "Watch it, Mandalorian." They hadn't left off on the best terms. Basically Canderous' opinion of her going to _settle_ with Carth instead of traveling the galaxy and killing stuff was not pleasant.

He snapped his fingers and another drink seemed to float up to the bar. This time Revan noticed tiny black fingers before they disappeared. Canderous took another long drink and put out his cigarra stub in the empty class. "Why are you here? Finally come to your senses?"

"Thought I'd enjoy the nice relaxing boredom of sitting on my ass and sulking," Revan chirped, batting her eyelashes. "You seem to be enjoying it."

"I don't see Onasi here," the Mandalorian said brusquely, a smirk cracking on his lips.

Revan glared at him and nursed her bottle. "He's busy. And I don't have to stay there all the time. It's not like we're m-" The word died on her lips and she quickly downed most of her lager. That was definitely she didn't want to think about. "I have business."

He turned in his stool and crossed thickly muscled arms over his chest. "And that would be?"

She thumbed the steady perspiration on the bottle and dug her nail under the label. "You'd said you'd follow me anywhere. That still true?"

Canderous snorted and turned back in his stool. "Mandalorians don't need to answer stupid questions from snippy Jedi."

"I'm not a Jedi," she snapped. "And I'm not snippy!" Revan shoved the bottle forward and pushed on his shoulder so he turned towards her again. She stared hard into those uncompromising grey eyes and cocked her head up, "If you're going to follow me, I suggest you pack up whatever craphole you've rented here and meet me on the _Hawk_ in an hour."

He eyed her steadily. "You'd actually wait that long?"

"No, but I was hoping you'd have nothing with you except your gun and just follow me now."

Canderous nodded and threw his repeater over the side. "Lead the way, Revan."

Revan grinned at him and threw some credits on the counter. Small black fingers made them disappear and she vaguely heard either 'thank you for your business' or 'rats eat heavy in the winter' in Jawa Trade language.

* * *

Hyperspace with someone always taught Revan something. Carth was bitchy if anything was wrong with the ship he was piloting. Bastila liked to corner her if she felt like 'talking.' Mission got bored after an hour and hit up anyone and everyone to play Pazaak with. And from this trip she learned that Canderous didn't look any more cheery upside down than he did right side up.

"What the frack are you doing?" Canderous didn't look amused. Although from this vantage point she couldn't tell if he was frowning or smiling. Just thinking about it was giving her vertigo.

"If I say meditating will you believe me?" Revan asked from where she was standing on her hands and breathing in.

"No."

Revan snorted and shifting her weight to one hand, bending her leg forward. "It's an Echani agility technique."

"I can tell from how stupid it looks." He narrowed his eyes and she identified it as glaring. "How agile are you going to be when someone shoves a knife in your gut while you're prancing around like a - - an Echani."

She shifted her weight to her other hand and curled both her legs in. "Try it."

He arched a grey eyebrow. "I don't want to get blood on the wall."

Obvious lie. He'd think it would go with the décor and besides he was already reaching for a blade. "Carth's ship."

That seemed to get the blade moving faster than she expected it. She spun on one hand for balance and lifted one of her legs up to catch the blade, before flipping over and snatching it from his loose grip.

He looked begrudgingly impressed. "If I'd had two blades you would have a weak spot."

Revan snorted and handed him back the blade before pulling her arms back behind her head and lifting herself up like a table. "That's why I'm practicing to be quick enough to block both."

"Sedentary life left you this out of practice, eh Revan?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

She lifted her head up just enough to glare at him. "I had lots of practice at other things. Things I'd missed while working on my fighting." She twisted her legs and flipped around, drawing a long stretch from her leg to her foot.

He frowned. "Mandalorians know how to do both. But I suppose Onasi and the Space Station made it hard to do either."

No, just hard now that he wasn't here. "If you're asking if we fracked like gizka then yes. Yes we did." Revan popped her back and folded backward, grabbing at the back of her ankles. "I'm going to need practice in other areas."

"So's Onasi."

She snapped herself back up to a standing position and glared at him. "For someone who's been on Tatooine for a year, you don't look any more tan. What'd you do, stay in the Cantina and throw peans at the bartender?"

"Passed the time. There was a lot of that after you left." His glare was making her squirm.

Revan kicked the mat she was practicing on and with a tug at the Force it rolled up. Another thing she was being blamed for. "You could have done something on your own. Or are all Mandalorians brainless drones who fly into bright lights when there's no one to order them around—" She passed him. "Oh wait. They are."

He clamped a thick hand on her arm and squeezed tight. "If I didn't think you were going to give orders. I wouldn't have stayed around as long as I did. And look – here you are." He stared her down. "What does that make me, Revan?"

"I didn't-" she bit her lip.

"Right. It makes me right." He pulled her closer to his face. "I told you that the day would come when you'd realize who you were and that you weren't done with the galaxy yet."

Revan shoved herself away from him, his grip still tight on her arm. "I have to fix it. It's not something I want."

Canderous snorted in disgust and let her arm go. "Keep telling yourself that, Revan. Maybe one day you'll believe it."

* * *

From a dry heat that scorched off the top layer of her skin to being hit in the face with the wet sock of humidity. She decided if she ever planet hopped again Tatooine to Dxun was not going to be her choice of destination. She almost edged back onto the ship, but they were already walking in the dense jungle atmosphere so there was really no point.

The cooling unit would have been a nice point, but if she went back to it and the ship she might not come back. Though that might have not been a bad thing.

"Mandies got pretty mindless over the past few years, huh?" she called back to Canderous who was purposefully staying one step behind her to piss her off.

"I'd be mindless if I was stupid enough to answer that," he said, soundly completely unaffected, behind her.

She turned around to glare and kept walking backwards, keeping a careful eye out with the Force to make sure she didn't trip on anything. "You haven't asked me once why we're here."

He shrugged one large shoulder.

She gritted her teeth. "No biting remark about Carth or anything else in my life? You've been eerily quiet since we got off the ship, Ordo."

Canderous crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't need to fight with you. You're already fighting yourself. Besides," he flashed his teeth. "I don't think you could take it."

"I'm sooo scared," Revan rolled her eyes and stopped walking backwards. "A lazy-assed Mandalorian ex-general that can't even keep his old troops is going to read me the riot act." She flashed her teeth back and glared at him. "Try me."

He raised one eyebrow and lifted his chin. "I don't need to insult or fight you, Revan – because you've been too busy doing that to yourself since I met you off the battlefield." He towered over her and shook his head. "And I don't need to listen to you bitch and whine like an Onasi recording, because I've been tuning you out the entire trip. And I sure as hell don't need to make you feel better by letting you get angry at me, since you're obviously too busy being stupid by yourself." He scoffed. "If you honestly think that you did all these _visits_ to say goodbye and make your peace with everyone, you're as stupid as you sound."

A muscle in her jaw twitched and she crossed her arms under chest. "And what pray tell were these trips about then?"

He rolled his eyes. "You wanted to make yourself feel better, because you're leaving people behind you that are weaker – and you have to make yourself feel better, because you keep forgetting who you are Revan." He glared at her. "Or should I start calling you Ariate again?"

Revan whipped her foot out towards his head before she even knew what she was doing. Unfortunately this was what Canderous had been waiting for and caught her ankle. He gave her a moment before jerking her balance out from under her and letting her fall to the floor. She growled something out in Mandalorian at him about his mother and spun her other leg up, kicking him in his chest plate – and possibly bruising her foot.

Canderous shoved his full weight towards her and slammed his foot against her unprotected chest. A slur of curse words tumbled out of her mouth as she held a hand to her chest.

He came at her again, but this time she shoved her elbow at and it caught him in the face. She kicked her leg up in an attempt to pay him back for bruising her chest, but he caught her ankle in his thighs and knocked her off balance again.

She swore again and tried to roll herself up, but he pinned her down and held her in place with his thighs. He pulled the repeater off his back and shoved it at her chest. "I shot you once, I have no problem doing it again."

Revan growled at him. "Try it."

He shoved the repeater uncomfortably into the bruise he'd made earlier. "You make your own battles, Revan and you need to take it out on yourself because it's obvious you're the one you're angry at." He shook his head and removed the repeater. "Not that I can blame you – if I was that whiny I'd kick my own ass."

After a moment of struggling under him she blew out a frustrated breath and gave up. "Fine."

He smirked. "So… Revan. Why are we on Dxun?"

Revan glared at him. "You're such an asshole."

He shrugged one shoulder, still pinning her down. "Feel better?"

She made a face and brushed some of the hair that had stuck to her forehead from sweat. "If I'd won I'd feel better." She felt her face heat up – not from the precarious position they were in but the fact that she hadn't even thought to use the Force. She either wanted to protect him or she wanted to kill him with her bare hands. She slumped back against the grass – she did feel slightly better. "Would you get off me?"

He laughed. "No."

"Fine!" Revan growled and lifted herself up by her elbows. "You heard of Mandalore's helm?"

Canderous shot her a bored look. "Hit your head on a rock?"

She sneered at him. "I _mean_ have you heard of what happened to it?"

"Last I heard you had it." His expression changed for a brief moment and he glanced at their surrounding with a bit more interest. "Why _are_ we on Dxun?"

"I'm going on my own." She started, pretending she was standing and not pinned to the ground by a Mandalorian more than twice her size. "But I need people here to watch out for things while I'm gone."

He frowned at her. "I'm not helping the Republic."

"Well duh, stupidass," she rolled her eyes. "It's not—you know what this is ridiculous!" She huffed and wedged her knees up and pushed with the Force to fling him off her, before standing with a wince. "There's more to balance and everything than just the Republic. There's been a large void in the galaxy without the Mandalorian push and pull."

Canderous pulled himself to his feet and narrowed his vision at her. "And?"

"And… well— I remembered everything so I know where I put the damn helmet." She put her hands on her hips, ignoring the searing pain through her bones. "So claim it, take back your people and build a damn army."

He looked around, as if the helmet would pop out on it's own. "Where is it?"

"On Dxun," she said, tartly. "Fetch."

He took three steady steps towards her. "You think that offends me, Revan?" He snorted. "If you had've handed the helmet to me like some trinket I would have kicked you in the face." He took a deep breath and color seemed to flood his face. He looked around Dxun. "This will be a good start."

"Yeah well knock yourself out. Go drink blood or whatever you do when you're happy."

Canderous raised his chin. "Don't crash the ship on your way to the Unknown Regions. It'd be a fitting – but not worthy end."

She punched him in the arm. "I'm going to miss your Mandalorian ass." He was almost the only one she wanted to take with her.

Revan and Canderous clasped arms and shared a look that didn't translate before he let go and put a hand on her shoulder. "Vor entye, Revan. May the journey be short and the battle prosperous."

She smiled at him as he walked off into the dense jungle. "You're welcome, Canderous." She took a deep breath and sighed until he was out of her sight before heading towards the ship. "Ow—" Revan swore and ended up hobbling to the ship, instead of walking.

* * *

She hugged her knee to her chest as she stared at the machine. Somehow thinking that if she stared at it for another hour it would give her some kind of sign. Some kind of signal that she could make the call or move. Or walk away. She sighed and her hands reached out like they'd been doing for the past fifteen minutes and she snatched them back.

T3-M4 beeped at her.

"Shut up," she snapped, glaring at the droid. "I'm not calling him."

T3 beeped shrilly again and whirred.

"… I-I'm checking for dust!" She bit her bottom lip and sighed before putting both her legs down on the floor. "Fine." She brushed herself off and rubbed her hair. "The ship running okay, tin can?"

T3 beeped in the affirmative.

"Then what are you doing here? Is your main function annoyance – because if so you are the highest quality model I've ever known."

HK-47 stepped into place next to T3. "Statement: My unnecessary counterpart would like to know what course to set. Suggestion: Perhaps a planet with grazing animals that splatter easily. Supplication: Tanaab has an interesting variety of humans."

Revan blinked and ignored her copper colored droid and glanced at T3 before strolling towards the cockpit, their metallic steps and rolling echoing behind her. She sighed and crossed her arms under her chest, before leaning against the wall and taking in the steady colors of hyperspace. The drone of the ship's equipment seemed to be the perfect cacophony to the view.

T3 beeped in query.

Revan gave him and HK one last look. "Set in a course for Malachor V."

* * *

She was sure there was something in the Jedi rules of law, order, and decorum that would make her lose serious points for skidding across the temple and literally jumping on Malak, before wrapping her legs around him, but at this moment she didn't care. "How was Ralltir?" She said, multitasking kissing him and grinning at the same time.

Malak made a noise that resembled. "Mpph." But didn't seem to make any effort in prying her off.

"Revan. If you wanted to be more subtle you could have waited till I left first." Xaset's voice was calm next to them.

She twisted slightly and smiled at him. "Sorry, Xas. How was the mission?"

"Ralltir Tiger's smell should be what they warn you against," Malak said, sighing and putting his hands at her hips. "Instead of their ferociousness."

Xaset nodded in agreement. "They were probably the most thrilling part of the mission." He gestured with his head. "How was Kuat?"

Revan shrugged one shoulder and leaned against Malak, her legs still wrapped around his waist. "The Gardens of Tralala were beautiful, but mostly it was just solving economic squabbles, nothing too exciting. Plus they don't have their own language so it was basic." It would have been more boring if Cariaga weren't there to spar with and work on their thesis for the council. She wished she could go back and tell herself as a Padawan that Knight's didn't have that much more fun than when they had masters.

"Rev!" a familiar voice and blonde hair strolled up.

Revan leaped at Talvon and hitched her arms around him, while still attached to Malak's waist. "Tal!" She grinned. "It's been ages."

"It's been two weeks," Xaset said with an eye roll.

Talvon punched his friend in the arm and grinned at all of them, before frowning. "Would you not do that?"

Revan blinked, her hands hitching on Malak's shoulders. "Do what?"

"That!" He crossed his arms over his chest.

She blinked again. "We're behind the columns. And Knights – it's not like anyone will do anything. I mean except lecture us."

Talvon scowled at each one of them before resting on Revan. "When you do that you're _all_ taller than me."

Revan laughed and unhitched herself from Malak, dropping to the floor gracefully. "Am taller than you anyway," she snorted putting an arm around his shoulders. "Been boring without us?"

He lifted himself up a bit so he was even height to her. "I've made do."

Xaset cleared his throat and gave a meaningful look to Malak who was still staring at Revan. He snapped his head up. "Oh. Right. Xaset and I have to get our report in. Vrook's overseeing our outcome and it might take a while."

Revan felt her lower lip jutting out and stopped. "You _just_ got back!"

He shoved Talvon off her and cupped her chin. "I swear we can do whatever you want when I'm done. It shouldn't take more than an hour."

She frowned and sighed. "Fine." Revan lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him hard and illicitly enough so he'd be distracted during their report to Vrook. "Have fun." She said in a singsong voice.

Malak closed his eyes and clenched one of his fists. "You're vile."

She grinned at him. "I know."

Xaset and Malak made quick goodbyes and rushed off towards Vrook's chambers. Revan frowned at their backs and stretched her arms above her head. "Well – Tal. You want to-"

"Go to the archives?" He finished before she had the chance to.

Revan eyed him from the corner of her vision. "Don't get smart with me. I haven't been around to keep you in line, but I'm back and things will change."

Talvon snorted. "Come on, let's go grab some lunch and then you can go back to slobbering over Malak."

"I don't slobber." She stared up at the clear skyway above the temple grounds and smiled. "Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm in Coruscant when I'm here."

"That's the point-" Talvon gestured around them as they started to walk towards the gate. "They want something that has the feel of Dantooine so there's the possibility for meditation, but with the strategic location of Coruscant."

Revan balked at him. "Did that just come out of your mouth?"

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "I've been seeing the archivist."

She nodded to herself. "Well. Seems like the rumors about Atris were true after all." She dodged his finger poking at her.

Talvon glared. "Her _assistant_ Sona Loanin."

Revan shrugged. "Sure, Tal. Sure."

"Fine. Don't believe me." He stepped lightly as they left the perimeter of the temple. "I won't ask her about that new Illiarm text that came in last week."

Revan latched onto his robes and pulled him violently towards her. "I've been waiting a year for the new one. It's got the updated grammar tree—you'd better not be joking."

She hadn't been keeping up on her reading as much as she'd wanted. The trip away from Malak had been a relief as much as she'd missed him. There had been plenty of down time to keep up her practice. Plenty of downtime since the missions they decided to give her were as exciting as watching a Zuran slug move.

"I'll get it for you just relax." Talvon took her hands off his robes and brushed himself off.

"So did you do anything other than brush up on your _studying_?" Revan snorted, but Talvon was staring off into the distance, his face blank. She glanced to where he was staring and blinked. "What's that?"

"Looks like a protest rally," he sighed. "They've been having them the last few weeks since you've been gone."

"Protest rally?" Revan rested her hand on her hip. "For what?" She peered around the crowd, attempting to get a better view.

"The Mandalorian attacks have increased lately. The Republic has put in four petitions with the council for Jedi aid, but all they've been getting is a few guardians for out world skirmishes. Some… others are very against this." Talvon ran a tongue over his lips. "We're friends, right?"

Revan blinked and took a step back from the abrupt change of subject. "Yeah, Tal. You're like a brother to me. Annoying and—" she stopped at his serious face. "Why?"

His usually cheerful face was stiff. "Rev. The leader of the protests is-"

"Revan?" The voice shot right through her shoulders and it felt like there was a bar spinning her against her will towards it.

"Kae?" Revan's voice cracked.

Her former Master made her way from the rally as Revan's footsteps were heading towards the woman she hadn't seen in years. Kae's face was more worn and she looked older, but it was still strong and soft at the same time.

She smiled at Revan and it pulled at something in her chest. "How have you been, my st-" Kae looked down for a moment and then back up with another smile. "My former student. You are a Knight now, I hear."

Revan nodded the corners of her lips quirking. "It's been almost a year."

Kae smiled again and her eyes narrowed very slightly as Talvon came up to join them. She barely inclined her head towards him. "Talvon Esan. Vrook's Padawan."

"Former." Talvon said, crisply, his face doing a fairly good imitation of Vrook at the moment anyway. "You know this is completely against the council's wishes."

"I am no longer under the council," Kae said steadily, regarding them both. "And they are not always right."

Revan knew that was true. It always nagged at her when they would send them out on idiotic diplomacy missions that could easily be solved by less skilled Knights – but hearing her old Master talk that way about them made her uncomfortable. "How's your daughter?" Was all she said.

Kae's smile slipped off her face. "With her father on his world." She shook her head. "Revan, I am sorry that I left you in such a vulnerable position – but what I'm doing now is as equally important as your training was. People are dying. Everyday more and more are lost to the brutality of the Mandalorians."

"Revan," Talvon tugged at her arm but she shrugged him off.

"Kae…" Revan looked at her feet for a moment. "The council knows best."

Her former Master regarded her sadly and shook her head. "I thought I taught you to think for yourself."

Revan glared at Kae – her eyes stinging. "You taught me that people leave." She spun on her heel and headed back to the council. Taking one undignified sniff and then calming down enough, even though her pace didn't slow.

Talvon caught up to her after a moment. "Sorry – I was trying to tell you, I just-"

"It's okay, Tal," Revan shrugged and slowed down a bit as they entered the temple grounds. "I'm going to head over to the archives, maybe eat later – I just don't have an appetite right now."

Talvon nodded. "Sure. I'll walk with you, maybe get that book you wanted."

She shook her head. "No. I want to research something else."

"What?"

She tightened her belt around her middle and shrugged. "Don't worry about it." She smiled at him. "I'll catch you later."

Talvon eyed her warily for a moment but then waved her off. She stepped towards the archives, up a familiar path towards the information terminals. Once she was there she typed in her access codes.

"Coruscanti Information Terminal – Output/Input. Type command." The machine buzzed out.

Revan deftly typed in the commands for all the information from the last six weeks. Then she typed one word.

_Mandalorians._


	7. chapter 6

ACCESS DENIED.

She sighed and pushed some hair behind her ears. She deftly typed in a code to let her access the files. Fourteenth time was a charm after all.

ACCESS DENIED.

Okay, now it was getting personal. She rolled her shoulders back and started to type fervently every access code that came to mind. Some of them came from places she didn't even realize were there. After trying Hairless Wookiee four times in a row, Ariate Talke gave up.

She let out a breath and rested her chin on her fist. What was the good in being a "Jedi" if she couldn't get anything out of it? Sure moving stuff was pretty neat, and an excuse to beat Bastila up had been fun, but most of the time she'd been bored out of her mind.

"Bet Da would get a kick out of his little Spark attempting to save the galaxy by breaking into a library," Ariate mumbled under her breath, tapping her finger against the information terminal. For a moment the terminal seemed different and her fingers moved on their own accord, typing in a code backwards with three letters off – something that wouldn't have even occurred to her.

The screen buzzed.

Ariate leaned forward, too focused on the possibility of the screen opening the wealth of information it held to pay attention to what was behind her.

_Master_ Dorak cleared his throat and Ariate shot up in her seat.

She barely had a chance to glance at a screen that said PASSWORD CHANGED before the darker man waved his hand and the screen went blank.

Nuts.

She smiled warily at him. "My password wasn't workin' out too well."

"Work-ing." He repeated with a sigh and then shook his head, giving himself a look before his eyes turned to her. "Padawan, why were you trying to access those files?"

"Well," she flashed her teeth and sat up straighter. "Just tryin'- trying - to extend my knowledge and such." She chewed on the nail of her thumb. Hard to drop her accent after all these years, but everyone kept giving her odd looks so she was working on it. Sometimes it was easy, like she'd been practicing for ages to drop it, but sometimes it just felt like her mind was wired to make her talk a certain way.

"And what would the Mandalorian wars have to do with your studies?" There was something in Dorak's face that made Ariate wary. He was less closed off than that crank pants Vrook, but his eyes were always showing something else – she would've called it nerves -- but what was there to be afraid of here? Maybe Jedi Masters were real literal with the whole 'the galaxy is on fire' thing and didn't get much sleep.

"Well," she smiled again, this time more sure. "Everyone keeps on talking and I'm not getting my info straight – feel kinda stupid around the war heroes." She shrugged. "I just wanted to learn some more on the wars. That's what I'm here for right?"

For the master of the archives he seemed really stingy with his information. Ariate had to convince Zhar to talk to her about Revan and Malak and even then he had gone off on his own and then left the room. It was all too foreign to her – and in some ways too familiar.

Of course the Mandalorian wars were common knowledge, but salvage ships and living on Deralia hadn't given her the best information. Asking Carth always went somewhere else and _he _ended up going somewhere else, which tended to make her skip the subject. Asking Bastila led to lecture on the perils of the darkside sometimes even when Ariate hadn't asked, which led to Ariate either falling asleep or trying to stab her finger to distract from the boredom. And asking Canderous – well that was out of the question, get him started on a war story and the man would never shut up.

Dorak sighed. "There is not much to know. What would you like to know, Padawan? I can't promise I'll answer, but I will listen."

Ariate snorted. Figured. "Well – just the basics, I mean I know the Mandies liked to tear up the place, but what really happened? What started it? I mean the Jedi didn't go, because blah blah dark spirits and bad mojo. I got that."

"Blah blah darkside?" Dorak laughed, it was a nervous awkward sort of thing. "That's-" he shook his head. "The darkness there was horrible and its consequences were the direct result of Revan and Malak's refusal to listen to the wisdom of the council."

Once again, lecture on the darkside. Jedi seemed to hand them out like gum. Ariate resisted rolling her eyes. "Well okay, the darkness that _devoured_ Revan and Malak, got it – but don't you think they just got a little power crazy? Like Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Droma did, didn't they?" She blinked for a moment. And she knew that how? Must've read it in a report somewhere and then forgotten – that happened sometimes.

"Yes… technically," Dorak glanced at the blank screen behind her for a moment. "But none of their atrocities could compare with the utter strategic malevolence of Malachor V."

It felt as if her brain had just buzzed in. Ariate sat up a little more. "Malachor what?"

Dorak snapped his head back towards her. "Nothing. I said nothing." He brushed a hand over his scalp. "You should get back to your studying, Padawan. Something not in the realms of the restricted areas."

Ariate narrowed her vision at him, but stood up and gathered her stuff together. "If there wasn't a galaxy to save I would so not let this go."

Dorak nodded. "Yes, but there is a galaxy to save – and unfortunately you must be the one to clean up this mess Revan made."

And just like that her brain did the same thing the screen did – it blanked out and she didn't have the new password. Ariate sighed and shook her head walking towards the door. Maybe Bastila would let her beat her up again.

* * *

"Objection: Master, I have scanned all my processors on a recurring basis this maintenance is not warranted." HK-47 whirred apprehensively.

Revan adjusted her stance and finished removing his leg. "It's warranted because I said so – and I said so because I'm bored."

T3-M4 beeped in the background, spinning on his hydraulics.

"Statement: Traitor."

"Besides," Revan continued, grabbing for the hydrospanner. "An extra look won't hurt and I promise to put you back together after—" The ship shook on its bearings, causing her attention to waver. She stood up. "Too slow and too soon," she mumbled, brushing off her pants.

"Query: Master, you aren't going to leave me in this state, are you? My wires are showing." HK attempted to lift one of his arms, but it sparked and fell back limply. "Master?"

"Power down, HK," Revan waved her hand and walked over towards the cockpit, slipping into what she still considered Carth's seat. "Well," she glanced at T3 who had already jacked into the controls to help steady the landing without being asked, "Here we go."

It was a shaky landing, but all of her landings were. She'd never gotten down guiding anything larger than a swoop bike and landing a ship wasn't exactly the same as a swoop race. T3 beeped in relief as he whirled out into the common room. She stepped behind him and stared at the supplies she'd packed days ago. Somehow she just knew – this was the first step. She strapped on her lightsabers, trying to ignore the swirling miasma of dark energy on the planet just outside the steady walls of the _Ebon Hawk_.

She knew she had to do this, it had been too late to turn around after she had left Citadel, but now she wanted to even more. Instead she steadied herself and threw her sack over her shoulder. "I locked the Navicomputer, Tee so you're the only one who can get at it." She would definitely remember the password too, she'd been pissed enough at Canderous to remember every Mandalorian swear word known to man. "Put HK together if I don't come back."

T3 beeped a response, tartly.

Revan glared at him. "Be nice, you little trash compactor." She sighed and knelt down to his level. "Listen. I need you to do me a favor."

T3-M4 whirred nervously and came closer to her.

"I need you to watch the ship and watch everything that happens," she pushed some hair behind her ears. "And I want you to find help if things go wrong and I don't come back. Find Bastila; find the Jedi – whoever you can get at. And," she frowned and rested a hand on top of his headpiece, "don't break anything." She patted him and stood up, adjusting her shoulder strap.

T3 chirped at her irritably.

Revan grinned at him. "I'll miss you too, footrest."

All she could hear as she descended the boarding ramp was the low mournful noise T3 made behind her. The grin slipped off her face and she stepped onto the cold, unforgiving surface of Malachor V.

* * *

Stepping onto the solid ground of Malachor V had been hard enough, walking past rubble and devastation of the planet she'd completely destroyed had been the worst. There were no survivors on this world – each one had been carefully picked out to die here. Good men and women, sacrificed for the greater good.

Because they would have disagreed with her.

The decision gnawed at her now, like it would have done then if she had let herself feel anything. She had been too focused on finishing to really pay attention to the destruction she had caused. But if she had to do it over again – she didn't know.

She still had been right. There would have been years of bloodshed and more lives would have been lost than the ones she took. But it shouldn't have been her decision to make. Except that she had the power and the knowledge and who else was in that position to make it?

No one. So she'd taken the prerogative and she'd ruined lives and almost leveled the galaxy to save it.

And here she was again. In front of an old stone building, ready to do the same thing. Save the galaxy.

Who would suffer this time? That was what scared her most.

Revan had been walking and thinking for about an hour when something tingled in the back of her mind. A familiar and yet unfamiliar touch that drew her towards where she had been set to go all along. Revan walked down the long walkway of what looked like an abandoned Mandalorian temple – or maybe something even older than that. Ancient and unbreaking, the stone spires reached up to the black-clouded sky.

Trayus Academy was written across a long stretch of stone, it was carved in obsidian and not written in Mandalorian. In Rakata.

A shiver ran up her spine and she downed it. If the storm beasts that had charged her and fallen in a fell swoop her saber hadn't scared her this wouldn't either.

"Okay, so what's been leading me here?" Revan said to the doorway that didn't seem to have any indication that it was a door other than the fact that it was of different stonework. "Some answers would be nice, almighty power of the Force," she drawled, crossing her arms under her chest.

Revan tapped her foot against the dusty ground and frowned as nothing happened. It seemed rather anticlimactic, until after a few minutes there was a loud click and the stone started to move aside. It slid slowly to reveal a long hallway, lit up with candles to a seemingly endless walkway.

She glanced at the sky. "Always have to be ominous don't you?" She sighed and hitched her sack further on her shoulder before heading into the building. She could hear the doors closing slowly behind her as she walked down the dimly lit hallway.

There were doors lining the walls that seemed to disappear as she passed them. She ignored the doors and headed towards the end of the hallway, her senses leading her towards that all too familiar presence. She made her way up to the end of the hallway, where a large wall with a set of obsidian statues stretched towards the roof of the academy. She heard and felt presences coming towards her from behind the large statues.

What stepped in front of her was a surprise. Two men, dressed in black and ornately attired regarded her carefully. One had deep cuts still bleeding on his face the other looked uninjured but had his head down as he glared at her.

Revan arched her eyebrow and crossed her arms under her chest. "You two the welcoming committee?"

The injured one stared at her for a long moment before responding. "The Master awaits."

Revan took a deep breath and regarded them carefully, before dropping her arms. "Lead the way then."

* * *

The room was dark and calm when she entered. Like the eye of the storm that was Malachor V. The two lurching guards stopped at the doorway and Revan walked towards the figure in the center of the room.

"It has been a long time… Revan." The voice was the same, but age had faded her first teacher into something new. Even the aura of Force around the woman felt different.

Maybe Malachor had changed her former teacher. Or maybe it was Revan who was different and couldn't recognize her anymore. Revan frowned. "It has."

Her old teacher spun around to face her, eyes lost of all their color and white hair tied back in black was all that seemed grossly different. "I see you no longer have the need to call me Master."

"You're not. So no." Revan narrowed her vision. "What do you want me to call you?"

Her old teacher glanced to where the two less than cheery men were still by the door and then back to Revan. "You may call me Traya."

"Traya. Interesting choice," Revan frowned. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to know about _Traya_'s plans on Malachor V or anything else she'd been doing.

"You've grown," Traya murmured taking Revan in. "In more ways than one." Her eyes seemed to pierce through Revan and see more than just the outside.

Revan tried not to fidget and glanced behind her at the two figures that were staring daggers into her back. "You really need the body guards?"

Traya waved her hand. "They are my students." She said once they had bowed and departed. "… in ways. Not like you—" She reached a withered hand out and then drew it back. "What is it you came for, Revan? Answers?"

Revan wanted to say something smart back. Wanted to say something hurtful. But now that it was just them, all she could say was: "Could you give them to me if I asked?"

Traya was quiet for a long moment. "Not the ones you are looking for, I'm afraid." She turned her old mouth up into something of smile. "But I am willing to listen."

Revan shook her head. As much as she wanted to share everything, she still didn't want to open up that part of herself that doubted. Doubt could get her killed. Doubt would hurt more people than her heavy-handed self-assurance ever would. "I'm going to the Unknown Regions."

"By yourself?" Traya's voice was tinged with incredulity. "You really have grown."

"I lace my own boots and everything," Revan clipped, crossing her arms under her chest.

Traya looked unimpressed and her white eyes examined Revan carefully. "What awaits you there, Revan?"

Darkness. That was what waited for her. That was what Revan saw every time she closed her eyes. What would keep her awake. What make her give up everything she never deserved and still wanted so badly it burned at her soul. The darkness that could overshadow the dark of this world waited for her and she was going to meet it head on. No matter the consequences.

"I noticed patterns," Revan glanced around the dimly lit room. "At first I thought it was just the Star Forge, trails from an ancient race of builders that had once controlled the galaxy." She licked her lips and stared directly at her old master that had once given her so much to fear and so much to strive for. "But you already know this don't you? Or you wouldn't be here."

"The Rakata were just pawns, Revan," Traya laughed lightly. "Tiny dots to the scale of what is really out there." She nodded to herself. "I taught you well."

"I've had many teachers, but in the end," Revan stared up at where the ceiling should have been and spires tore up to the sky trying to catch the dark clouds swirling around. "In the end – it's not the teachers, it's what I learned and how I used it."

Her old teacher took a step forward. "You know where to go, don't you?"

Revan looked down and nodded. "I've always known. The patterns were just there waiting for me to put them into something discernable. I know where _they_ are and that's where I'm going."

Traya looked oddly proud for a moment. "Be glad that you know the language."

Revan strained her voice to answer back in that tongue they had both spoken a lifetime ago. "I am."

"There are a few working ships from the destruction of this planet behind the academy." Traya paused. "What exactly do you hope to accomplish with this Revan?"

Revan sighed and answered her honestly. "I don't know." After all this time of not wanting to be the Force's puppet – that was exactly what she had turned into. "I just know I have to."

"I have noticed patterns as well," Traya shook her head. "Not the ones you speak of, more tantalizing and closer than where you set off to. It might be in your best interest to stay and help me."

Revan tried not to curl her lip up in disgust at the thought. "I have my path. I'm going to keep to it."

Her old teacher scoffed. "This quest for light you have been set on since the council destroyed your mind is – disgusting and unbecoming of you. You _are_ the Force, Revan – do not let it go to waste."

Revan looked at the woman that she had once held so revered. Another line of men and women who she had tried to replace her father with. People she wanted to be family. But this woman was not family, was not her teacher, was nothing. And Revan was once and maybe always, alone. "Life is a balance. Neither the dark or light hold clarity for me," Revan said carefully, "Not anymore."

"It's fitting that it would end here. Is it not?" Traya shifted towards her once again but kept back.

Revan shook her head. "It's something. But not that." She walked past the old woman and stopped at her side. "Good luck… Traya." She put her hand on the other woman's shoulder and smiled before releasing and heading towards the back of the Academy.

"May the Force keep you safe, Revan." A voice said quietly far behind her.

Revan took a deep breath and walked off.

* * *

The ship was running. That was pretty much all it had going for it. An old beat-up Republic cruiser with plenty of leg room and nothing tangible to get a hold of, but it would get her through space with less drama than the_ Ebon Hawk_. She pressed her hand on the console, activating the landing sequence. The ship made a frightening noise, but lifted itself into orbit and broke the atmosphere.

The bare minimum.

Revan slid into the pilot's seat, trying not to think about how this setting was going to remind her of the _Leviathan _and everything crashing down. She rested her head against the seat and took a deep breath. This one didn't smell like Carth, but she could close her eyes and pretend he was next to her – bemused at the fact that she was sleeping in his seat.

She opened her eyes and stared at the empty air next to her. "Next time, Carth. I'll come back whole." She stared out at the view panel and typed in the coordinates for the hyperspace jump.

"I promise."

* * *

"Revan?" His voice came before he knocked on the already open door.

She didn't turn towards him. Her eyes were too busy focused on the screen in front of her, a series of numbers, coordinates, and a new plan for attack. Just one more in the long list that Jedi Knight Revan Talke had accomplished.

"Revan," He sighed and closed the door behind him. "You've closed yourself off for days."

She had before too. Her fingers brushed the lightsaber resting calmly in her lap. But someone else had come to bring her out of it. Had made her get some air. Maybe if she hadn't that someone would still be alive.

"Go away, Malak," her voice sounded strange to her. She hadn't used it in a few days, maybe longer. All the orders and reports were sent out by hand now. Malak was the face man – she was just the behind the scenes.

Patterns, codes, data – that was all she was good for. But it was so important. So important to stop those Mandalorians. Stop them all.

"It's been weeks," Malak said softly ignoring her request and stepping closer. Edging towards her like she might retreat from him. Become a cornered animal.

"Fifteen days," Revan corrected him. "It's been fifteen days." Her hand wrapped around the lightsaber for comfort again. "Fifteen days."

He sighed and sat next to her, putting a tentative hand on her back. She didn't move. Malak seemed to think this was a good sign and brushed the hair from her face. "You can't trap yourself in here again. Talvon… died. Yes, I know you were close – but—" He dropped his hand. "I'm worried about you."

"Jedi don't worry," Revan snapped. "They trust in the Force." She tightened her grip on the saber again. "Force." She lowered her head and closed her eyes for a moment, drowning out all the noise in her head. All the screaming. She just needed to get back to work, make sure it didn't happen again.

"It's war. You know that better than anyone, Revan," Malak leaned towards her, trying to get in her line of vision. "People die."

"He wasn't on the casualty list," she said hoarsely, rubbing her throat. She needed water, but she had to finish these reports. She was close to the answer. Maybe she could fix everything, end it all.

Malak rubbed his jaw. "What casualty list?"

Revan waved to the pile in the corner of the room. Malak strolled over to them. The datapads were just filled with predictions, accurate to none based on the abilities of those she sent out. They'd been almost perfect. Only twice had the big ones gone wrong. Jene had lived and Talvon had died. It was supposed to be the other way around. Her predictions were perfect. Talvon should have been fine.

"Revan… what are—" Malak's voice cut out. He was shuffling through the datapads. "Are you having Force visions about – this?"

"Death." Revan said for him, since he seemed to be scared to. She shook her head. "Death is just a prediction of the stronger forces against the weaker. They should have been right," she gritted her teeth. "He should have been fine." She had to stay focused on the screen. She rolled the lightsaber in her hand for comfort and scrolled through the scenarios again. She was so close.

Malak dropped the datapads on the floor and shook her shoulders, turning her sharply to face him. "You can't predict death with numbers, Revan!" He yelled at her, his face showing more fear than anything else. "These are people not pieces on a dejarik board."

Revan glared at him and turned back towards the screen. "It's all strategy, Mal. What am I supposed to do? Send out more troops to get slaughtered and do it randomly. Or know exactly who I'm losing and how to counteract that. I go for the least amount of losses for the most gain." She stared back at the screen, a few more runs and she would have it.

"And what happens when I'm one of these losses? For the greater gain?" His voice was grating at her.

Revan sighed. "You wouldn't be."

"But what if I was?"

"You. Wouldn't. Be." She repeated through gritted teeth. Just one more run and she'd have it. She'd know the answer – it was so close.

"How do I know that? Talvon was."

Revan's hand was touching the screen, just moments away from knowing the answer. She turned slowly, her eyes stinging and her jaw tight as she stared up at him. "I lose everything." She stared down at the console, unable to change the screen to the answer. "Why would you be any different?" She said quietly.

Malak sighed and knelt down next to her, pulling her into an awkward hug. "You're not going to lose me. As long as I don't lose you."

She shifted her face so it wasn't squished against his chest and sighed. "I know how to defeat the Mandalorians faster. That's what I've been doing."

His grip on her tightened slightly, they'd both lost so many men and women under them. The hunger for the spill of Mandalorian blood was strong. "How?" All the fear and disgust at her previous actions had disappeared.

"It has to be a concentrated attack." She murmured, rolling the lightsaber in her hand. "Cutting Mandalore off at the head and taking out most of their army, something they won't expect us to do – we need to lure them in to a place that will put them off balance and give us the advantage."

Malak rubbed a hand on her back and pulled her back slightly. "And where exactly would that be?"

Revan moved out of his grasp and back to the screen. She waved her hand over it to move up the final run. She knew the answer now. "Malachor V."

* * *


End file.
